As another season of Total Drama passes us by like a flirtatious courtesan who is a massive tease that we think is going to provide all the crazy unspeakables that we dream of but shows us but a fleeting glance at her ankles before running off to her bubble bath I would like to take some time to review this season and give Total Drama a report grade.

The Hideous

Consistency: This was a running theme in the season, development made in one episode was continuosly dropped and any effort to actually drama was like watching a les miserable puppet show run by Short Bus Theatre, and the characters had as much depth as an ant's grave. With Courtney and Gwens story just dropped in episode 11 and Duncan and Mike's conflict just dropped down the toilet (literally) The consistency was as put together like making a birdhouse when you're handcuffed.

The Bad:

Mal: He never lived up to the hype and was defeated by pressing a button. But my biggest problem was this: Why was he even interested in competing? A tower over a volcano, yeah thats a smart investment there mate. Mal's personality was defined on f'ing stuff up, but he really wasn't even into that much. Like if he caused serious injuries or blew up a cabin that might be something. But no, he was just kinda there. You can't make us think that a villian is powerful and a threat if you make his voice low and menacing and make him do stuff that Chris would make obstacles in the challenge anyway if this were any other season.

Character interaction: Listen TD, I understand that in a show like this character development is rare in a 13 episode season when you're dropping a character down a hole for the rest of the season, but you could at least try! It was what made TDAS so promising. Old vs New, metting up and competing. Character interactions' ass was 6 feet wide and you had a steel-toed boot with butt-locking technology and you STILL missed it. Well, not entirely. The Gwen-Cameron and Scott-Courtney I liked, but you just scraped the butt instead of launching it into space which you should have done.

Humour: The animals reaction to exploding, Lightning in episode 12, egg-butt and the bear-poop painting were the only funny moments in the entire season, where ROTI had something every episode that made me laugh. A cartoon reality show that lacks humour. How ironic.

The OK

The Final Two: Mal and Zoey wasn't that bad a pick, but it would have been a lot better if the finale came down to Commando Zoey vs Mal instead of Mike vs Zoey. A schemy villain against a ruthless hero? I would eat that up!

The Challenges: The challenges were actually pretty well designed but kind of lacked the character drama that made them fun to watch. 

The Good

The Twists: The island exploding, Cameron switching teams and the losing team choosing who goes to boney island were a fair amount of twists that made TDAS somewhat interesting. It had a good amount of twists, not level of twizzler twists where it twists and twists forever, but a good twisty amount of twisting like sitting on the twisty swing while your friend twists you around where the twisting can create a twisty amount of good fun at the expense of twisting, but not enough twisting to make you throw up from twisting on account of the twisting.


The Great

Wrapping it all up: I suddenly realized that TDAS was the wrap up season, where all the plot holes from the previous seasons are all filled up like the graves of those drug dealers i kil--- I've been told not to finish this sentence. Mike is cured of his MPD, Duncan and Gwen broke up, Gwen and Courtney are friends again, Mike and Zoey are dating, Heather and Alejandro are dating and the island sunk. This season just screams "Clean Slate Time!!!" which I actually applaud them for. That's the reason why Lindsay, Lightning, Jo and Sam left early, because they didn't have any dangling plot threads that needed to be tied into a beautiful bow. However, Fresh TV, I don't believe an All Stars season was the right type of setting to do it, but this means that the next all stars season will live up to all the hype this all star season didnt live up to. Right?


  • Sweats nervously*


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