I'm malevolent, more evil than you can ever be
My name's wicked, what kind of frickin' name is Zoey?
You're a gullible girl, and your face makes me hurl
You went commando on Lightning? What are you, some kind of man-girl?
I locked Mike in my brain and now he's sealed away
I broke Al's wrist, made him feel the pain
You wanna be next on my hit list?
Ask Courtney, you're fake! Do you wanna taste my fist?
I tried to help Mike, but all you did was lie to me
You think you're evil, but you're the worst villain in TD history!
You're uglier and nastier than Chef Hatchet's food
What, you can break a Smartphone? Well I know kung fu!
That flower in my hair shows that I got game
That hair over your eye shows that you're just lame
Al's right, dead donkeys don't talk - cuz you're one!
Mal's ranked worst, Zoey is number one!
Well, I broke Sam's GameGuy, Sierra's best friend
I competed so long, I made it to the end
Why are you in All-Stars? No one even likes you!
The only reason you're alive is cuz you're a writer's pet dude
I went to juvie cuz I'm scary and you're a little Sue-Mary
You don't recognize your own boyfriend? Here, go to the library!
I can incite more trouble than Heather, Court, and Al together
I know you're really scared, cuz when Mal's around it's stormy weather!
You're the worst competitor this show has ever seen!
I'm a nice, little indie chick - why are you always so mean?
Mike's other personalities are way better than you
Why do you call me Mary-Sue when you're a writer's pet too?
They make everyone look more dumber so you can be more powerful
Well they ain't gonna do that to me, 'cause first I'll punch you in a barrel
Mike needs to come back, and I know that he will!
Mal, you just got beat and that I just fulfilled!
(A surprise contestant comes in. Who is it....?)
Okay kids, stop! This joke is getting old!
Zoey, just remember your true love and forget this Mal-y mold
And Mal, just stop! Do something besides break stuff!
I don't think that's what you did to get behind those handcuffs
Ezekiel's zombie crap is funnier than your gags
Mr. Coco has arrived to come and beat some two f*gs!
How can you both fight? You're the characters they need you to be!
There ain't no way that you can stop me! Even my initials spell MC!