Happy birthday, tiny baby Neko!!! *huggles* I know this is later, but it wouldn't be a real Nalyd gift if it wasn't a week later.
A thirty year old woman with a white bow in her hair sat in a couch. "Neko," a man's voice said. "This is your father."
"I know, dad," the woman said. "You're sitting right in front of me."
"Now, Neko, I know this is your thirtieth birthday," the man continued to say. "I can't believe it's been 25 years. Now, I thought for a long time what I was gonna get you for your birthday. Neko, there's a lot you don't know about your mother and I."
"I know you sleep on the couch cause mom kicks in her sleep," Neko teased.
"Round-house kicks," the man corrected her. "But there's a long story behind our meeting."
"I already know about the forced marriage and the stalking," Neko said. "What else is there?"
"There's a lot more," the man said. "This is the story of how I met your Musou."
The year was 2010. I was just a teenager then. I like to look back and think I was smarter than I was, but I know I wasn't. I made mistakes, things I regret. But if there's one thing I had, it was love. I had a close group of friends, we did everything together.
There was Jam. She was a bit older than most of us, but she was wise beyond her years. She was also a hippie. "Did you guys hear they saved some whales on a beach in Canada?" she asked us one day. She was also Canadian. More on that later.
There was BB. He was calm, cool, and collected at all times. And I mean all times. "Guys! I won the lottery!" I exclaimed excitedly.
"Way to go!" Jam cheered.
"Yippie," BB said nonchalantly. Nonchalant. Always. More on that later.
There was also KG. Now, if you asked KG, he'd tell you he was a big ladies' man. "Guys," he said, running over to the group. "I just scored that chick's number!"
"It says 9-1-1," BB read.
"She's obviously a police officer," KG said. She wasn't. He got arrested. Despite incidents like this, KG loved the ladies. More on that later.
There was also CD. Yes, Jam and I are the only two with real names. CD was a girl who loved to party. Constantly. "Party!" she screamed, jumping on a table. Jam whispered in her ear. "Well you could have told me this was a funeral!" CD climbed off the table, embarrassed. She didn't take a lot of things in life seriously, and that got her in trouble. More on that later.
Lastly, there was me. Back then, 25 years ago, I thought I was the normal one in the group. I thought I had everything figured out. More on that later.
Our whole group worked at a local magazine company. Jam was vice-president of the company, BB was editor-in-chief, KG wrote an advice column, CD was an investigative reporter, and I was an intern.
After work, we'd hang out at Teddy's, a local pizzeria. It was sort of a hang-out spot for us.
Now I know what you're thinking. When does Musou come in? I'll get to her soon. More on that later.
I know you know the short version of how I met your Musou; I was working as a TV critic and she started stalking me. However, there's a long-form version of how I had to become who I had to become in order to meet your Musou. It all started one day.
BB, KG, and I were at Teddy's after work. "You should go out with Jam," KG said out of the blue to BB. I looked at KG confused, but BB looked at him much calmer.
"Meh," BB replied, then took a gulp of Pepsi. (Pepsi paid me twenty bucks to include that meaningless detail.)
"Come on, man," KG said. "She's totally into you!"
It was true. Jam had had a crush on BB since he started working at the magazine company almost two years ago. Back then I was still an intern. I'll never forget BB's first day.
BB walked into the building. He had an aura of leadership about him. Not so much arrogance, but you could tell how level headed he was just by the way he walked. "Hello, Mr. BB," I said to him as he walked by.
"Hey, Steve," he replied.
"It's Nalyd, sir," I said awkwardly. BB continued walking. "It was nice to see you!"
Suddenly, Jam jumped out of the elevator. She bumped into BB, spilling Pepsi all over his suit. "Oh no!" Jam exclaimed. "
My delicious and refreshing Pepsi, gone! Your suit's ruined!"
"It's fine," BB said. He ripped off his suit, revealing a second, even more professional looking suit underneath. He gave her a smile and continued walking down the hall.
"He's so smooth, eh," Jam sighed. You know Jam only "Eh's" when she really likes something. (Like Pepsi.)
Back at Teddy's, KG was still looking at BB with anticipation. "Come on, just ask her out, she likes you. Just give her a chance."
"Why should I?" BB replied.
BB didn't know it, still probably didn't know it, but Jam more than just liked BB. She was practically obsessed.
CD walked into Jam's office one day. "Excuse me," CD said, "I need you to approve these changes to this artic-" She froze.
Jam was sitting at her desk, with a bust that resembled BB's head made out of chewing gum. "Don't judge me!" Jam screamed. CD ran from the office.
KG and I were walking by at the time and couldn't help but notice. "What's wrong?" I asked her.
"Jam! BB! Bubble gum! Gah!" She ran home, and called in sick for three days.
KG walked into Jam's office and snapped a picture of the head sculpture with his phone. "This is gonna be BB's profile pic," he smiled.
Back at Teddy's, BB was looking at the picture on KG's phone. "I will say this," BB said, "She did an excellent job recreating my eyebrows. But, I don't wanna go out with her. Office romances are weird."
"Like that time KG made out with CD in the broom closet during the Christmas party?" I responded.
"Hey, I had you sign a contract saying you'd never speak of that again!" KG replied sharply. He's right. Forget I said any of this.
"I'm gonna head home guys," BB said. "See ya tomorrow." He stood up and walked out of Teddy's.
"Nalyd," KG said with a wide grin on his face. "I took his cell phone!" One thing you gotta know about KG, he's incredibly sneaky. He once stole a kangaroo from the zoo. More on that later.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.
"Texting Jam on BB's phone," KG said. "This is gonna be hilarious tomorrow."
CD walked into Teddy's and sat next to me. "What are you two up to?" she asked.
"We're asking Jam out for BB," KG explained.
"There is no we," Nalyd said.
"I don't see you stopping me," KG said. "Send. And now we wait for a response."
"BB's gonna kill you," CD said. "But this is gonna be hilarious tomorrow!"
"She said yes!" KG laughed, reading the text.
BB walked back into Teddy's. "Where's my phone?" he asked. KG held it up and handed it to BB. BB read the texts between KG and Jam. "I've got a date tomorrow." It's very hard to tell what BB's thinking. I couldn't tell if he was mad, upset, annoyed, happy.
"So..." KG said. "Can you start getting mad? I wanna get this on camera." Remember, KG wasn't trying to be a jerk, he was just looking for some fun. His goal in life was to try to make BB emotional, anything but nonchalant. He succeeded tonight.
"Alright," BB said. He half-smiled. "Guess I've got a date tomorrow." He put his phone in his pocket, and smiled as he walked out of Teddy's.
"Aw," CD said as she looked at her phone. "Jam updated her status to 'In a relationship!'"
"Wait, that's it?" KG said. "No explosions? Darn it, BB!"
KG didn't realize what he'd started. None of us did. More on that later.
To be continued! Whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh whoosh!