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Topher the host lol


So after a pretty standard recap, Jasmine and Samey are out in the woods picking berries and Jasmine's all like "You're a strong independant woman who don't need no sister." And Samey's all like "Um sure ok I guess." And Jasmine's all like "Jesus you're weak." Then she pushes down a tree. "People find me a bit intimidating." MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NINE BAJILLION FEET TALL I MEAN HOLY JESUS

After that Shawn shows up and he and Jasmine just like stare at each other awkwardly while Samey just kinda walks off. "Looks, survival skills, and a healthy fear of reanimated corpses? MAN this girl has everything!" Not to mention being NINE BAJILLION FEET TALL I MEAN FREAKIN A

Shawn brings berries back to Team That One Team Where I Only Care About Ella and Shawn and Ella, like, makes me love her even more than I already do. Sugar actually has a funny moment when she shoves a pear in Ella's mouth.

So over at Team Max Is Really Really Really Really Hot, Samey starts beaching (I'm not allowed to swear, even censored swearing will get me a warning on this wiki...) and Max makes a face like he's constipated. Amy starts like, flipping out, and Max is all like "Jealousy and evil and stuff SHA-BAM!" Topher, like, starts hosting for some reason and I'm actually kinda starting to like him just a little while Samey heads off to kill someone. Also Topher gets his team's name wrong.

Topher heads off to, like, have sex with Chris or something. Hey look at that, I just noticed that Fat Scott still exists. And he has a buttchin. Topher gets to Chris's area and he totally flatters Chris as well as me. Topher you have won my heart I officially love u. Chris announces the challenge. "Today's game is called DOOM BALLOONS!" "You had me at doom." Max is Love Max is Life. Alright Topher I like you kid, but you do not shush Max because he is god of everything ever.

So the challenge starts and we get a fairly funny confessional from Topher. Max goes to his secret cache of evil weapons and we see what appears to be a red Boney Island tiki, a bamboo stick, a gas mask, a mallet, wire cutters, and a metal box. I also need to start using the word "wretched" in my daily speech now. "I shall win this challenge with my abnormally large brain and my super advanced hearing." Not to mention your FABULOUS purple hair. Mm-hmm.

Scarlett sneaks up on Max and starts crushing on her. They come up with an idea to use a blowgun. Scarlett has a funny line. But she's still boring. Max has another funny line and an evil laugh. Meanwhile, over at New Mike and New Zoey, was Dave just, like, stalking Sky through the woods? Max blows Sky (innuendo FTW) and pops her balloons. 

When we get back from commercial, Fat Scott sees Sugar get killed by a snake before it kills Fat Scott (who actually has a funny line). Jesus Sky how are you still alive from all those beestings? Wow Dave you really suck. "Dave you need to warn everyone that Team Whatever are using our balloons against us!" Actually, it's really only Max and Scarlett, but whatevs. 

Topher shows up to hit on Chris some more and tells him he has crow's feet on his face. Chris has a really funny freakout and Topher heads back into the challenge. Ella hits on a butterfly. Sugar like squishes Ella with her fatness. OH EM GEE ILU ELLA U ARE MY FAVE PERSON EVAR. Meanwhile Shawn becomes one with a tree or something and knocks Max and Scarlett out of the challenge. HOW DARE YOU ONE OF MY FAVE CHARACTERS YOU KNOCKED OUT ONE OF MY OTHER FAVE CHARACTERS

Amy and Samey get on their period towards each other, while Fat Scott is fat and gets knocked out of the game by a balloon. TOPHER GETS KNOCKED OUT BY A BALLOON NOEZ and so do Sugar and ELLA NOEZ. So does Dave (not like I care) and Jasmine, Amy, and Samey, team up to kill Shawn but Amy effs it up and Team Shawn wins the challenge. Amy steals a poisoned apple from her sister. K.

So at elimination, Amy's throat starts swelling up from the poisoned apple and she suffocates and dies right? Oh sorry this is a cartoon, not real life. No, she just starts choking (and not in the good way, AYOOOO). Everybody thinks she's Samey (how, she's got that giant ugly-as-butt mole on her face) and she gets cannoned. "I guess twinning isn't everything!" AND WE HAVE A TITLE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

So this episode was pretty darn good. There were quite a few really funny lines and Ed MacDonald really has improved from writing those abominations last season. However I still don't care about most of the characters. Overall this was a pretty good episode.

Final Score: 7.5/10

  • Pros: Max, Ella, Topher, Chris, Shawn, Lots Of Funny Lines, Amy-Samey Conflict, Good Challenge, The Word Wretched
  • Cons: Predictable Elimination, Predictable Twist, Boring Characters
  • McLean-Brand Chris Head: Topher (Funny Lines, Good Interactions)
  • Cannon of Shame: Dave (Boring Character Is Boring, Served No Purpose Other Than To Hit On Sky)