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Ella elimination

Holy crap that picture is HQ. I don't even think the episode was that HQ on my TV. No joke.

As we open up the episode I look at the credits and notice it was written by Ed MacDonald. Already my opinion of this episode has lowered. But, the episode does open with Max and Scarlett, which is a good thing so my opinion has also slightly risen. Meanwhile, Dave sniffs a flower and dies. No offense Shawn but why are you talking to Dave I mean if we're talking about relationships here he broke up yours last episode you should totally waterboard him I mean I would literally pay money to see that.

Ella why do you like Dave so much you can do so much better than him, like Topher or Chris or something. I like how Dave has had no interactions with girls before other than GOSH GEE WILLICKERS SKY IS SWELL I WANNA GET IN HER PANTS because yeah he's being a huge tool to Ella HOW COULD U U DISGRACE TO THIS SHOW DONT WORRY HUN I'LL LOVE U

I'm actually really surprised they didn't have Sky walk in on the picnic and make a big misunderstand, because it seems like the kinda thing Mr. McDonalds over here would do. HMM SOMETHINGS WEIRD WITH LE ISLAND LE PLOT THICKENS *Strokes mustache* Also I'm glad to see Chris doesn't have the botox anymore because I've already had enough nightmares since the last episode because of that.

Ouch Shawn Jasmine just swatted those flowers out of your hand. Just look at Topher's face during this scene he's just like WHOA MAN THESE PEOPLE DOE

Anywhoo, Jasmine threatens to kill Shawn and stuff. "If this is how Canadian boys flirt I'd hate to see how they propose." Simple. The same thing as American proposals except instead of a ring they give you a giant bottle of maple syrup. 

"Chris is intimidated by my talent and superior good looks. My hair alone is a national treasure." YER DARN TOOTIN MY MAIN SQUEEZE ILU I like that they're developing Topher's sideplot of wanting to take over the show even more. YOU BEACH SUGAR EVEN MAX AND TOPHER ARE GLARING AT YOU I WILL HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH A BRICK U TOO SKY SHES LIKE CRYING OVER HIM AND UR LIKE YAY MAYBE I CAN HAVE SEX WITH HIM OR SOMETHING U UTTER BISH

Yes Sky that's a good question what ARE U DOING GAWD. Chris introduces his slave monkeys or something. Alphonse is an awesome name. That's what I'm gonna name my kid that I had with Ella. OK I admit Sugar fondling the vending machine was a pretty funny gag. 


"I for one am done taking orders from you, Jas-man!" Max you are the best character in the history of everything. 

"Max do you know why she doesn't fear you?" "Because she has a dumb face disease and is a stinky bad person!" That is literally the best line I have ever heard out of Total Drama and it was written by ED MACDONALD FOR GODS SAKE. THE SAME GUY THAT WROTE THAT ONE ABOMINATION LAST SEASON! HOLY CRAP!! ALL HAIL ED MACDONALD FOR ACTUALLY LEARNING FROM HIS MISTAKES! ALL BOW TO HIM! HALLELUJAH!

Scarlett gives Max evil lessons and stuff. Gee I wonder if the supposedly calm and nice person with meat cleavers in a globe in their audition tape has another nature or anything but I dunno it might just be me. Hooray for nudity. Fat Sugar is fat. 

Chris and Topher bump into each other and Topher manages to steal Chris's phone. "Note to self: Start hating Topher." HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT U MEANIE BOOOO. I hope Topher becomes a supervillain and destroys the island.

Max and Scarlett plot a trap which I don't know could even physically work in real life. Meanwhile Team Dave And Sky's Cocktease is sucking as usual. "Dave hold the monkey while I grab the coin!" "Did Chris say anything about prewashing the monkeys or delousing them?" Jesus you suck so hard.

God Chris's puns are... UNBEARABLE! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I'M HERE ALL NIGHT FOLKS! Chef is totally tubular (told you I'd add that to my vocabulary too). 

When we get back from commercial, Topher is hitting on the executive producer of Total Drama. Is it just me or are they setting Topher up to host a future season or The Ridonculous Race? I'd totally watch the crap outta that because Topher is my main squeeze. Yay poop jokes. 

Back to Team Sugar Is A Bish, the bear ate the monkey with their coin. "It's a coin wrapped in a monkey trapped in a bear!" I'm surprised they didn't make another poop joke here about waiting for the bear to crap out the monkey. Instead they went for the vomit joke. Classy. Dave are you even in a relationship with Sky? It's more like you forced yourself onto her. Think with your brain and not your di-

So anyways, Scarlett is smart and funny yay. The bear is about to eat Dave. "We need to figure this out! Fast!" No, I think you can just leave him there for a while. "Most people have to choose between beauty, grace, and brains! But I got both!" I spit my Mountain Dew out at that. 

Team Ed MacDonald Is Officially Awesome get the coin from their monkey so they make like a tree and leaf. Meanwhile Ella sings and I think my ears just orgasmed. Scarlett is evil and stuff yay I like villains and evil people the plot thickens DUN DUN DUNNNN

Ella keeps singing and my ears keep trying not to die from happiness. Meanwhile Team Scarlett Is Evil gets out of the trap because the one thing Max is bad at is building traps (but he's awesome at everything else).

Sugar manages to find the coin and Team Maskwhatever I Guess wins by improbability. YAY TOTAL DRAMA YUM YUM HAPPY GO TIME FISHTAILS brings me back when I actually cared about the characters. 

We go to elimination after commercial and NO NOT MAX YOU BUTTS oh thank god Max isn't leaving. But who is? NO NOT ELLA YOU BUTTS SUGAR HOW COULD YOU I'LL LITERALLY SHOVE YOUR HEAD UP YOUR BUTT

YAY WE GET ANOTHER SONG FROM ELLA HOORAY!! So as Ella sings my ears lose all their hearing because of how hard they're 'gasming. Ella goodbye you had the best exit ever I will miss you forever but before you leave here take Alphonse with you BYE YOU WILL BE FOREVER MISSED I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW 

Even though there was Sugar this was probably the best episode this season and it was totally because of Max's hilarious lines and Ella (though Topher also helped). YAY ED MACDONALD WROTE ANOTHER EPISODE THAT ISN'T A WRETCHED ABOMINATION YAYYYY

Final Score: 9.5/10

  • Pros: Ella, Max, Ella, Topher, Ella, Max's Very Funny Lines, Ella, Chris, Ella, The Name Alphonse, Ella, Throwback To TDWT, Ella, Scarlett, Ella
  • Cons: Sugar, Dave
  • McLean-Brand Chris Head: Ella (Do I Really Even Need To Say It?)
  • Cannon of Shame: Sugar (Do I Really Even Need To Say It?)

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