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Let’s not waste any time, this is Episode Five (yay, I rhymed...kinda):

So the first thing we see is something crawling out of the water and the first thing I feared was that Rodney had returned to shore.  That would make some terrifying fanfiction. And Shawn runs off to hide because he thinks it’s a zombie. ‘Kay.

The next morning, it looks like Jasmine has forgiven Samey and is coaching her to act like Amy. But why? She did fine yesterday; in fact she got past a lie detector challenge. And would it matter anyway? The team thinks that Samey is the whiny one and she’s supposed to be gone. I guess Jasmine was thinking that if “Amy” didn’t say stuff she normally said then eventually someone other than herself would begin to catch on. But there’s no point because the team doesn’t know that Amy is really supposed to be the mean one (based on what was shown).

So we get to the challenge and- 

Oh my God, what’s wrong with your face?!

Chris apparently got some sort of face alteration. I’m surprised that I would be saying this, but this actually makes sense. Over the first four episodes, it’s been established that although Chris originally liked Topher’s approaches, they got old kind of fast. Topher has also mentioned several times the fact that Chris looks old for a superstar host (he’s 30) and fears that he may be fired soon. Chris also sees Topher as a fresh young man; someone who is sure to replace him. Therefore, he got what looks like botox in order to look young when compared to Topher. I see what you did there. And this is one of the things that I love about Total Drama; the social commentary (something that has been lost in recent seasons). Paranoid celebrities would undergo major operations so that they look fresh in the face of potential competition (i.e. Topher).

Anyway, the challenge is very simple. Retrieve six sticks one at a time and get into a fight with someone from the other team. Okay.

So stuff happens. Looks like Scarlett’s eye for evil is expanded in this episode when she tells Max to turn his stick into an electrical hazard. I’m glad you didn’t forget that.

Looks like we’re also following up on Ella’s attempt to befriend Sugar. She tries several times to please Honey Boo Boo’s mom but her efforts prove futile. And then this happens:

So Ella and Max are matched up against each other and Max has his stick full of electricity and she shocks her to the point where she falls into the water and nearly drowns. And then Sugar...laughs...at it.

Okay, we need to stop here. There is not liking someone and then there’s going to the bathroom over their dead body at their wake in front of all of the surviving family and loved ones. I thought Sugar despised Ella because she thought she was annoying, but this? Ella shouldn’t be friends with this sociopath! And then Sugar laughs again when Ella gets hurt a second time! Unbelievable!

Yay, Shawn’s back. Jasmine’s been getting kind of worried. But it looks like he still thinks the end of world has come as Dave tells him that Jasmine (his one true love)  has turned into a zombie. So Jasmine lets Shawn hit her and Shawn ends up whacking her. And then, Jasmine gets mad at him for hitting her so hard and claims that they will never form a relationship. 

What? 

Have you ever heard of context? It was the middle of a challenge, what did you expect? Did you honestly think that he would have done that if you formed a relationship. He really did struggle with choice even though he thought you were a zombie. He even shouted it as he struck you. Sure you probably had no idea why he yelled it, but you would at least wonder why he called you that. In fact, wouldn’t that have made a more valid reason to be mad at someone? Granted it’s not the best reason, but it’s better than what you’re presenting here. What would you have done if he did nothing? Would you have just stood there swinging your stick like an idiot? You may have saved Shawn from elimination, but if you just stood there while he did nothing, then chances are someone (assuming they had half a brain) would guess that something is up. Scarlett would have noticed, but fate will decide whether or not she’ll tell the rest of the team (that probably doesn’t know). What if someone started shouting ‘What are you doing?’ or ‘Stop missing!’. But I could be wrong. Shawn could have just as easily just dashed by her before she even had a chance to pretend to hit him. But with the possibilities that could happen while you’re out there, you really run the risk of being found out by your team. So the truth is Jasmine, you didn’t really think out this plan. All you ever do is create drama. And not the good kind that is natural and endearing. First you told Samey to stand up to her jerk sister and ultimately made things harder for her. And now, you just created this rift between yourself and Shawn. And don’t tell me this was just some excuse to get herself back on track strategically. She very clearly did this plan out of love.

Enough with that scene, we have a scene where a bear attacks Chris with a botox smile. And I’m not gonna lie, it was kind of hilarious. Something about Chris’s comedic comeuppance (although temporary) and that smile are able to strike a laugh.

And I think it’s time for a twist. It turns out the zombie thing that came onto the shore is not Rodney but good ol’ persevering Amy. This mean girl sure has a bone to pick with someone. I wonder who. Oh yeah, and it turns out that Scarlett knew about Samey this whole time. And the only reason why she didn’t spill the beans is...she assumed everyone knew it already. Okay.

So because of the sisters’ cat fight, their team loses and they need to vote somebody out. And I guess they voted for Samey for some reason. But since Amy is also there, he might as well blast both of them off.

The end. How does this hold up?

This episode does continue on the negative trend with the mean-spirited nature that New Total Drama has been known for and some logic issues. Despite this, it did have some good social commentary with Chris’s face alteration which did give off several laughs here and there. Unfortunately, it isn’t enough to save this episode.

And I think I should tell you guys some opinions now that we’re about a third through the season (well a little more than a third, but thirteen does not divide by three very well).

I starting to sympathize with Ella. The fact that someone as happy as her is being knocked in such a crummy world that is Total Drama does make me feel bad for her. Her singing isn’t used as much and she isn’t as annoying as she originally was. So I guess, she’s my favorite character.

I also really like Topher now that he’s playing a role in Chris’s behavior.

For romance, Dave and Sky are doing alright. I’m glad they don’t act like they’re made for each other yet are drawn closer. They are also flawed characters that are not as boring as Mike and Zoey. So overall, this relationship could be a good thing.

My least favorite character at this point is Jasmine. She seems like such a tedious person that really needs to take a look at herself and say ‘What have I been doing?’ She seems to be changing her mind a lot; almost to the point where it’s unbearable to watch. At least that’s how she rubs off on me.

And I think it’s as good a time as ever to present to you a wasted opportunity. I was anticipating there to be juicy television with Samey and Amy. I was really hoping that they would have lasted longer so that we could learn more about them. I wanted something to happen like Samey falling in love (maybe with Topher) and Amy forms this jealously and tries to break them up or something that would naturally cause Samey to rise up against Amy. Instead, we not only get a cheap pep talk in the third episode, but from that point on Samey is practically unrecognizable. She’s not the sweet girl that we were introduced to. And then they both got cannoned off together. The whole thing just seemed kind of pointless.

And that’s where I will end for this episode.

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