I wouldn’t be the first to say that Total Drama All-Stars wasn’t the best season the series had to offer. In fact, it’s the second worst in my opinion, only slightly topping Revenge of the Island. But in all fairness, that is only because this season didn’t have mutants all over the place. Sure there were some here and there however it wasn’t the theme of the season. But the main point is the choices made by the writers were baffling. Some of them ruined the season, and others have even made a mark on the rest of the series. I’ll go over these specific problems in this review. So let’s start with the biggest that caused this season to fall flat on its back.

1) Season five should not have been an all-star season.

The first four seasons of Total Drama presented us with a grand total of thirty-eight contestants. And this season attempted to take thirteen of the “best” contestants and throw them all together. The only problem with that is that there have only been thirty-eight people who had played prior to All Stars. That would mean that one in three of those contestants would be all-stars. What’s so special about that?

On Survivor, the all star season was the eighth. However each season before that presented us with sixteen brand new people. So by the time the all-star season rolled around, they had a pool of one hundred and twelve. With an all-star cast of eighteen, that made one in every six an all-star. Don’t you think that’s more impressive?

The only reason why this season was an “all-stars” season was because the writers couldn’t last one season without Duncan, Gwen, or Heather. During World Tour, someone at Fresh TV discovered the fandom’s hatred of Duncan taking up the whole screen. So they decided to create Revenge of the Island with entirely new people to try to please them. But without screen hogs, the writers were “stuck”. So they tried to get through ROTI as quickly as possible. To them, by producing a whole season without Duncan, they could tell the fans: “It’s okay. We evened it out with thirteen episodes with new contestants and not a trace of a screen hog. So the next time we make Duncan win, you can just look back on this wonderful season we made and embrace his absence.”

There are actually some clues that show that ROTI was merely a rushed out, half-baked solution to the screen hog problem. Let’s start with the new cast. Although I like Dawn and Brick, the rest of the cast seem to fail.

• Mike and Zoey

If you went up to someone who worked on ROTI or All-Stars and asked them why Mike and Zoey were created, you’ll probably get something like this:

“It’s season one all over again, which means that Gwen and Trent need to be resurrected.”

I guess they were trying to condense TDI’s plot line of Gwen and Trent into a thirteen episode season, but when you look closer you’ll realize a horrifying truth. People often accuse Zoey of having no purpose, but this applies to Mike as well. They were both put into the same packaging. The only reason why Zoey was created was to create a love interest for Mike. And the only reason Mike was created was to pose a sleazy gimmick to force out laughs. If the writers took a little more time and thought into this character, they could have made him some other label. But, oh wait, then we wouldn’t have a plot for All-Stars. Too bad.

Oh, and about the thing I was saying about same packaging, they were established from the beginning as a couple. The first we see of Mike is next to Zoey and vice-versa. They have clearly already met at this point and are at the flirting stage.

If these two characters were replaced or changed around, then it would have made a more interesting fourth season.

• Sam and Dakota

So I guess the only other romantic couple that ROTI presented was Sam and Dakota. And although they were underplayed, they are better than Mike and Zoey. You don’t have two characters be born together; instead you have two polar opposites who slowly realized that they were very similar.

First, you got a fat guy who looks and sounds like Seth Rogen who does nothing but live in some retro basement playing Call of Duty and World of Warcraft all day and eats pork rhines. And then you got a girl who is like Heather, but also isn’t in the sense that she’s rich and famous and she isn’t really a villain. But then you realize that they smuggled in electronic devices. Sam with a 3DS and Dakota with an iPhone. And then they learn more about each other, and then you got a couple.

It may not sound fabulous, but it’s more plausible than some other couple that All Stars would bring. We could also get used to it. Maybe Dakota will become interesting in the later seasons with Sam al-

Oh I guess she’s a monster now.

• Scott

I could spend all day talking about why the entire cast of ROTI came off as lazy, terrible, and rushed, but this isn’t what this review is about. We’re talking about All-Stars. But Scott is a special case that I think we should talk about.

So, okay, his label is “The Devious One”. What?! That’s the best they could come up with! Maybe they wanted to get ROTI done faster than I thought.

A lot of the time this rat face talks about his life on a farm. So, shouldn’t he be called “The Farmer Boy” or something like that? Anyway I also heard some people showing sympathy for him being poor. I don’t know. Maybe he got brainwashed or something, but how can you feel sorry for someone who has been incredibly annoying from the beginning. Aside from him being uglier than a monkey and having an ear-screeching voice, this guy kills me whenever he’s on screen (no, that’s not from laughter).

Now I know this guy is labeled as a villain and he’s supposed to do evil stuff, but what he actually does is mostly minimal and they only succeeded because everyone’s stupid and the plot wants it to happen.

He started it off by looking for the immunity idol so that he could start throwing challenges and eliminating everyone off his team. But doesn’t the idol only work once? It would be pretty stupid if the holder of the idol got immunity every week. Chris probably put it in to create tension (which means higher ratings), but the element of suspense would be lost if the idol holder always got immunity. I guess he could use it once, but then what? In addition, Scott acts very suspicious around his team throughout the whole game that even I noticed on the spot.

Let’s take episode two when he goes looking for the idol. He comes in very quickly, all beaten up and dirty. He also looks very tense. But when Sam asks what he was doing, he suddenly changes his attitude and makes it seem like a swell time. Keep in mind that both Sam and Dawn can not only hear him but also see him. With word of an immunity idol hidden in a “hard to find” place, you would expect to get dirty if you’re really desperate to find it. And the sudden change makes it seem as if he just noticed Sam and changed his attitude appropriately. Sound sketchy? And the worst part is nobody notices this until the plot calls for it. So in all fairness, he should have been one of the first to go in ROTI.

Okay, that’s enough about ROTI. Let’s get to what you’re really here for.

2) What you’re really here for

So what is good about All-Stars? I actually found a few good things that made this season better than ROTI.

• The island is cleaned up

When I heard that ROTI was going back to Wawanakwa, I was kind of excited to see it again. I asked some questions about what we’ll learn about the island and the characters. So I was pumped. The only problem is Wawanakwa was a mess. There were cartoony “mutants” all over the place, there were bizarre locations, and even ridiculous plot moves. However now, it’s really like season one again (setting only). They decided to bring back Boney Island, although done horribly. A cabin is back, and so are some other settings.

• No bizarre transformations

I guess you could count Alejandro’s “escape” from the Drama Machine as a transformation, but it’s really just undoing some pop culture reference. Anyway, at no point in this season was anyone horribly mutated. No one turns into some cartoon monster or another pop culture reference. This season actually tried to treat people within the realms of reality; somewhat loosely I might add, but their fates were somewhat plausible. Now that they took that step, it’s time to turn Ezekiel and Dakota back to normal…Um…I’m sorry…what was that? won’t?!...Well that’s just great!

• The love triangle is resolved

Although All-Stars and ROTI are my bottom two seasons, none of them had anything on the level of the love triangle in World Tour. I could do an entire rant about how unpleasant, poorly written, and dumb this plot line is, but that’s not what this review is about. Gladly this season allows Gwen and Courtney to bury the hatchet on this. I will go more into detail about their relationship later on. It was also nice to see Courtney get karma for stepping down World Tour a couple of pegs.

There are also some smaller quirks that made this season enjoyable. Gwen was enjoyable and Scott was less annoying. However I can’t really say the same about everyone else.

3) Mal is a martyr of poor writing

I think All-Stars’ main (and only) villain, Mal, seemed like a really cool villain. After all, he started to take over Mike’s mind after he got hit in the head during the second challenge. This season could have easily been the best with a mysterious villain that no one can ever own up to. But it’s how the writers handle him that makes him terrible. So after Mike originally got hit in the head, they showed the other personalities getting scared because the “Malevolent One” was coming. They then show a silhouette of Mal and his metrosexual haircut.

I guess this is trying to be subtle, however if anyone looked up the word “malevolent” online or in a dictionary, then they could find out pretty quickly that Mal is bad.

But then it gets worse. He starts to break the possessions of other contestants. Examples include Sam’s 3DS, Sierra’s iPhone, and Duncan’s switchblade. For all these incidents, they had a flashback of Mal committing it. Once was already too much to have any suspense, but as they kept on doing it, I started to feel like the show is being patronizing to the target audience. It’s like they can’t trust them enough to remember Mal being evil with each episode, so they have to keep on telling them. I bet even an infant could start to pick up on this.

You thought that was bad? Well it finally starts to get through somebody’s thick skull when Mal trips Cameron, which they again show instant replays of him being there to do it.

And just when you thought that nothing else could get worse than this, when Mike tries to kill Mal by hitting his head with a rock, it imprisons him for some reason. I don’t really know how Dissociative Identity Disorder works, but I think somebody just jumped the shark there.

But what I do know about the condition is that it can result from a severe trauma. I have actually seen some fanfics where the original’s trauma is explained. You name it: car accidents, murdered parents, abusive parents, and bullies. Now I bet somebody’s going to say:

“Well they can’t explain that! It’s a kid show!”

Well if it was a kid show, then the writers should’ve done research about Dissociative Identity Disorder before creating a character that has it. And the way it’s represented makes children want to wish that they also had DID. On the other hand, there’s probably someone (adult or child) who actually has DID and would be offended that their condition is being used for comedy and entertainment.

But I digress. The main point I’m trying to get across is that the idea of having an “evil” alias for Mike seemed like a good surprise. So what they should have done (in my opinion) is to treat the knock out as a normal event. After all, a lot of said events are underplayed. Then people’s stuff should’ve “mysteriously” started to get broken. Then, these incidents start to become more extreme and frequent without revealing the culprit. But the writers could have left in subtle clues along the way. That way when it’s finally revealed that it was Mal, everyone would have gasped. And it would have been really fun to re-watch the season to look for the subtle clues.

All-Stars did manage, though, to get one reveal right. That is Mal being the original. When Duncan noticed Mal doing things he remembered, there was no guarantee that he was right. After all, Duncan could have been mistaken. Then it’s found out later that Mal is the original when Mike (in the mind) takes out an ID. This reveal is better than Mal’s existence, however the clues weren’t really spread out. In fact, it’s almost forgotten when Duncan got arrested. I think if this series was rated TV-14 or TV-MA, it could have had a lot of liberty with Mal’s history. Subtle pieces like flashbacks, dreams, and dialogue could lead us to an ultimate.

4) That’s not what happened last week

This has probably already been iterated on the wiki like a thousand times, but I think it’s an important thing to bring up. Things on the show only apply and only occur when the plot calls for it.

I could spend all day talking about all the plot inconsistencies that this season has, but that would take forever. Besides, I trust that you could pick up on a few of them just by watching. But there are few that absolutely stand out to me.

So during one of the earlier episodes, Courtney is on the Heroes team while Duncan remains on the Villains’. And basically the whole episode is showing heroic qualities on the Heroes. They’re always acting nice, giving each other a hand and being well, heroic. But they weren’t like that before! The only reason why they’re suddenly acting like this is to show how Courtney doesn’t belong on the team.

And then at the end of the episode, Chris decides to have her switch over to the villains and have Duncan take her place. Well…that was stupid! Why would Chris do that? Wouldn’t he want Courtney to be on a team she doesn’t belong on? I mean, he put Gwen on the Villains’ team even though she doesn’t really belong and I guess it was all supposed to be a joke. What? Why is Chris acting so out of character?

And then they carry it over in the next episode by having the Heroes celebrate Duncan for being on their team. Are they going to act like this forever?

But then they eliminate Sam because he smuggled some pancakes. Why would they do that? Doesn’t they contradict what they’ve been doing for the last two episodes? I mean Sam said he wanted something to eat for Boney Island. And Boney Island is supposed to be this poop hole. Have they seen how he was after leaving Boney Island the first time? Do they remember how he volunteered as tribute even after losing blood to some mutant mosquito? Why are they suddenly deciding to flush this man who had good intentions? Did they take stupid pills? You know, to make them stupider. I’m so confused!

I bet the writers were writing this episode and they got to Sam’s elimination and they were like:

“Well that seems really out of character for the Heroes, after what they did last week.”

So they wrote in that party for Duncan at the beginning just to remind the audience that the Heroes are good guys. They thought that the audience wasn’t going to remember Sam’s sacrifices and instead briefly and hastily put up this cheap reminder for them.

Let’s take a look at another. So towards the end, Courtney embraces the fact that she made it to the final five. So to strategize, she draws up a chart on a piece of toilet paper, outlining her elimination plan.

Who does that anyway? You know if you’re supposed to be smart or something, then you should just keep it in your head. But they decided to have her draw it instead because otherwise they would have had to bring back Dawn then because she can read people’s minds and stuff. Would have been a much better final five in my opinion.

So because of her idiocy, she now has a piece of physical evidence that someone could easily find and use as leverage. And who might happen to find it? None other than Mal, of course! So he then exposes it to everyone, and of course they want her gone. And after the challenge, that’s what they do in a 3-2 vote. 3-2? What, did like Scott vote in her favor? But he said he could never trust her again. What? And then after she gets flushed, he suddenly says:

“Well, she wasn’t all bad.”

And then the following week he’s like moping. Guy, you said you couldn’t trust her! She made you look like the rat you are! I’m so confused!

5) Why is Sam an All-Star?

Back to what I was saying earlier about numbers, the small pool of past contestants has led to some bizarre casting choices. None of which could’ve been crazier than Sam.

This fat sack didn’t do crap on ROTI. All he did was sit around, play on his 3DS, and follow orders. Nothing about him makes him especially heroic.

Now I’m not saying he’s the only one who didn’t do crap, but this season’s cast has some sort of formula. The basic rule is that if you made to the merge at least once before and/or a lot of people declare you likable (or the writers), then you’re an All-Star. But Sam seems to be some odd exception. He didn’t make the merge and I haven’t seen too many people say that they liked him (or at least not as much as some others).

Now don’t you go up to me and say:

“It was to even out the originals from the newcomers.”

ROTI presented us with plenty of people who would have been more qualified to be an All-Star.

• Dawn is a very popular character for a good reason unlike some others. Not only is she very adorable, but she is able to read people’s minds and get on their good side. But suppose you went up to a writer.

“Welcome to Fresh TV, how may I help you?”

“Yes, I would to ask you why Dawn wasn’t cast in All-Stars.”

“Well that’s easy! Scott was successfully able to oust her. That makes her weak and unfit to be an All-Star!”

“Um…do you realize that Scott also ousted Mike? But yet he got to be an All-Star!”

“Well…um…nobody cares about Dawn! She doesn’t have a boyfriend!”

“I understand, but she has more purpose and character than Mike does. He’s just used to make fun of DID and to have a girlfriend. Nothing else! Dawn had intentions that were based off her the good of her friends and for herself. She wanted to protect them. Why did Zoey become a ninja again?”

“…Stop asking questions and get out! And tune in to Total Drama All-Stars!”

Brick would have been another good pick because he is not only likable but also very noble. You got B, with his mad skills. And so on.

My theory is that the writers to show that not all of the All-Stars are winner. They can supposedly come in the form of a fat Seth Rogen who plays his 3DS. So they picked him because he was the least likely to be worthy of All-Star status. But then why did you eliminate him so early?! Answer me, show! 6) How the Flush of Shame and challenges ruined Total Drama

You could spend all day talking about the plot inconsistencies, lack of suspense, and how annoying and idiotic these characters are, but none of those stand out to me more than two things: the challenges and eliminations in All-Stars. Island also had moments that made you go “Huh?”, but what made it great was the realistic sense of humanity.

Let’s start off with the challenges. The first challenge of Island was jumping off a cliff, which was dangerous, but was then had a safe and reasonable second part. The second challenge was an awake-a-thon, which is pretty calm and slow. We then get a fair dodgeball tournament without any sort of gimmick, a fashion show, and a night in the woods. The more dangerous challenges were used sparingly and even then were fairly plausible.

Now let’s take a look at All-Stars’ challenges:

• Jumping off a cliff

• Collecting puzzle pieces on a beach with comedic and bizarre booby traps

• Playing paintball with leeches

• Eating booby-trapped pancakes and completing an obstacle course even the champions of Ninja Warrior couldn’t complete.

• Walking through the woods with dangerous creatures that were made dangerous by an astronomically and psychologically impossible correlation.

As you may notice, all the challenges in All-Stars have some sort of danger to them. In Island, when the dangerous challenges happened, they meant business because they’re evened out by the calmer challenges. What’s worse is that they tend to rely on supernatural elements.

Take for example “Moon Madness”. Everybody’s running from bunnies who the script told to be dangerous or something. What was great about Island’s challenge is even the dangerous challenges had some ties to logic and reality. Even today, I still like to wish I was doing the Paintball Dear Hunt and jumping off that cliff. You expect me to be chased by a deer that’s suddenly angry at me. Well maybe if I provoked it, but this show wants me to believe that it’s the blue moon that’s causing it.

Now what does this have to humanity? Well in the first challenge of Island when they were jumping off the cliff, there were a wide spectrum of reactions. Some people enjoyed the rush of diving a thousand feet into shark infested waters. Others were neutral about it. Some did it, but were screaming their heads off during the fall. Finally, there were a few who were too scared to do it and chickened out.

Now in All-Stars, it’s like, whatever. But you’ll probably tell me:

“It’s been five seasons. They’re used to it.”

That should be true. But even later in the season, when they’re supposedly even more “used” to it than that first challenge, these people are surprised that there’s booby traps and stuff. If they were really used to it, then they should think to themselves during a challenge.

“Crossing a body of water? It must be infested with something. Better be careful.”

But instead they do these obstacles (with or without knowing of hazards) nonchalantly. Then they would find out about the hazard. If they’re told by Chris ahead of time, then they will act surprised and continue moving on emotionlessly. If they get tangled up with the hazard, then they will be shocked and be like “What was that?! You didn’t tell us about this! Even after doing stuff exactly like this a hundred times!” and then continue as if nothing happened. Boring and stupid? Most definitely!

But that’s not even the half of it. The methods of elimination have also gone done this route. In Island, you had the Boat of Losers, which made sense because the contestants walked down a dock and exited the island. Action had a Lame-o-sine, which fit in with the movie theme. But then it starts to get ridiculous. You had World Tour where contestants jumped out of a plane, which made sense, but I’ll get to that in a second. Then you have the Hurl of Shame and the oh-so-popular recent addition: The Flush of Shame.

The first seasons had elimination methods that made sense to the season’s theme. But in ROTI with the Hurl…what?! I guess it means getting them off a wasteland…aw! This whole thing makes my brain hurt! All-Stars made a little more sense with the Flush because I guess Chris was using it as a way to dispose of “used” contestants, but it presents an important aspect this season brings.

But first, let me take you back in time to July of 2007. Our story begins with a filmmaker by the name of Michael Bay. And he decided to present the world with his new film, Transformers. Before this, Bay had made plenty of films filled with action and violence, but this was the first one that appealed to children. Although it was rated PG-13 and had Meghan Fox in it, Bay completely sold out by marketing toys, video games, and other pieces of crap to six and seven years old, which is the general demographic of Cartoon Network and Fresh TV.

Total Drama Island had already started airing on Fresh TV and the writers there weren’t willing to rewrite the entire season for Cartoon Network, so they stuck with it.

But in their eyes, this would be a serious long-term problem. Eventually, no kid watching Cartoon Network or Fresh TV will know what life would have been like before the release of Transformers. And as action movies started to get bigger budgets, more CGI, and more toys, the new generation would become indulged in the follow-up act to Michael Bay’s success. Kids wouldn’t be interested in true art and character; they would want to see explosions and toilet humor. To the writers, there was no way to beat this, so they felt that they had to adapt to it.

Because of this “intelligent” logic, Total Drama has slowly been turning into a kids cartoon version of Bay’s Transformers. For this review, I’m going to call this the Bay Effect.

Now why has the Bay Effect ruined Total Drama? Well, let me explain.

• Stupid Elimination Methods

As I said earlier, the methods of elimination have been making less sense. In Island, someone taking the Boat of Losers wasn’t very fast paced. For a lot, it was an emotional moment for them to have lost their chance at winning. And the stillness of the moment was very respectful to the eliminated contestant, especially if they were a fan favorite.

But thanks to the Bay Effect, the eliminations have become cartoony, comedic moments. And the comedy comes from being pushed off a plane, or getting launched from a catapult, or even being flushed down a giant toilet.

In Island, I think of what could have been for the eliminated contestant, how others react to it, and how the rest of the story plays out. In All-Stars, here’s what I think about:

• Will the eliminated get stuck in the toilet?

• Will they drown?

• What were they going to say?

• Why am I not punching Chris in the face for cutting them off in mid-sentence?

I’m not laughing during these eliminations. I guess the kids are because the show is still running, but this pandering is bad for our youth.

A child spends his toddler years watching Dora and those other shows because they educate them in a perfect environment where everything seems to work out.

But it’s around the age between six and thirteen that they should start to learn that things won’t always add up in the end.

Sure they can still have comedy because they’re kids, but they need to also be exposed to tension and emotion. And if they wait until they’re in the real world to learn that, then they’ll have a tough time because they’re used to things always being light-hearted.

Now I’m not saying to show your four-year-old Schindler’s List, but as children start to develop, they need to start seeing a balance. They need to start seeing dilemmas occurring and seeing a conclusion that enriches them, regardless of the outcome.

Island did this pretty well. Take for example the episode “Search and Do Not Destroy”. For the first half of the season, we witnessed Gwen’s and Trent’s relationship grow. Gwen started off as this cold, reserved teenager who didn’t come to make friends. But as she started to interact with Trent, she started to warm up to him. And this episode starts off with their relationship hitting a new milestone and the two share their first kiss.

But Heather reasonably sees this as a threat and wants to break them up. She wasn’t doing it to be mean, but to get ahead in the game. She knows that everyone outside of her alliance will vote her out the first chance they get. And she feels as Gwen and Trent would unite everyone else because Gwen has made other friends. It’s just politics! So through an intricate plan, she gets a fake love letter to Gwen from Trent telling her to meet at the dock at a certain time. Trent kind of gets a similar message and sees Heather. She starts to fake cry. Since Trent isn’t a complete jerk, he goes to investigate and Heather tells him lies about how annoyed Gwen is with him. Now remember, Gwen is a dynamic character. She didn’t change entirely, so that could be plausible. Heather then kisses him just as Gwen sees them (timing was thanks to Lindsay).

Afterward, LeShawna convinces everyone else to vote out Heather, but is thwarted when Heather wins immunity. So really there was no other choice than Trent.

But don’t worry, everything worked out in the end. And his departure on the Boat of Losers is just another appropriate note for this episode to end on. Nothing could top it. Well, except for LeShawna’s revenge.

Now I want you to imagine how that departure might have went down if they used something like the Hurl or the Flush. I’ll give you a moment to think about it.

See how stupid that would have been. No matter how much baggage you exposed for the eliminated contestant, that wouldn’t have been what the audience would have remembered. They would be too focused thinking about how they got clogged in a humorously sized toilet.

Island’s episodes ended on calm, yet encouraging tone. They gave the audience time and space to reflect on their time on the island, the fond memories they had of them competing, and how the game will be changed now that they are gone. But in All-Stars, forget about that crap! FLUSH!

• How Suspense on Total Drama died

In Island, there were definitely some eliminations where you could kind of see it coming. But there were also times where you were on the edge of your feet, especially when the bottom two was two very likable people. They also had twists along the way that actually mattered and came at an alarming surprise.

Action upped the anty by adding even more twists. Remember that one week where Chris made it look like Duncan got eliminated, but it was actually Justin?

World Tour didn’t really do anything special. Sure there was one tiebreaker, but they made it so freaking obvious who was going to lose. I guess they also had fake eliminations, but those didn’t really do anything.

ROTI also didn’t do anything special.

And now, All-Stars is kind of on the same boat as World Tour. It tried to do crazy stuff like fake eliminations, team switches, and other stuff. But unlike World Tour, it manages to sterilize the elimination process of any suspense what so ever.

You see, World Tour did stop handing out barf bags, but at least it read the votes that ultimately led to an elimination. Now, All-Stars has become far too lazy to even do that. About halfway through the season, they just start saying who it is on the spot. And they make the obvious vote as well. There’s barely any other contender to go home. It really is who you think it’s going to be.

My theory as to why they’re doing this is that they want to get right to the Flush because suspense to them is too boring for children. If you don’t believe me, then take a look at what else they cut to make room. They trimmed the opening as well. Now I know that it was to make room for commercials, but you could also that they trimmed the elimination for commercials. And what might these commercials be for? Well they could be anything. Dumb toys that kids will nag to the parents for, dumb video games, and even dumber cartoons that continue to pander to the lowest common denominator. So whether it’s in the show or in the commercials, everything is going according to plan for these writers; to constantly fill children’s heads with explosions, farts, and cartoony injuries.

So in conclusion, this brainwashing comes at the cost of any sort of surprise or tension when it comes time for eliminations. All they care about nowadays is making as many jokes built on physical humor that it’s sickening. Not only that, but it also comes at the cost of any emotional connection or any sort of proper justice.

7) Gwen and Courtney

So as I said, positive All-Stars had been that it resolved the love triangle from World Tour. But was it done properly? Nope. The growth of their relationship this season is very unnatural and bizarre.

So okay, it starts off with Courtney still angry at Gwen for kissing Duncan. This made no sense to begin with because Duncan and Courtney had broken up before the kiss, so really there is no triangle. She seemed to be done with Duncan before that point, so any defense of the triangle is invalid. And the fact that she’s been fussing over it for this long just makes Courtney a derailed and annoying character.

As the season progresses, Gwen attempts to reconcile but fails miserably due to misplaced and mean-spirited physical humor.

And then Gwen cries in the confessional while it’s raining for no reason. And I guess Courtney showed up and she’s like “I want to be friends with her, but the script doesn’t.”

And then when Gwen saves her during the blue moon challenge, there is some respect. Finally, Gwen confirms to Courtney doesn’t love Duncan anymore. She “broke up” with him for some contrived reason that came out of nowhere and I suppose that Courtney decides that now she’s alright.

So what follows has to be a negative, but equal effect. Gwen and Courtney suddenly act like best friends who have forgotten everything. And yes, the writers employ all these friendship clichés, which include:

• Finishing each other sentences

• Speaking simultaneously

• Hugging

• Mushy friend voices

• Clunky, nauseating friendship dialogue

These scenes were not only annoying, but there were times where I even got sick watching them. In fact, they made me even wish that something would happen. You know, like one of them dying, or going to hating each other, or at the very least have one of them go down the toilet.

But then we have the boxing episode where Chris pairs them up to fight. At first, they refuse. But then Chris decides to show them some “incriminating” evidence. Then Courtney’s like.

“Sorry Gwen, this is going to hurt you more than me.”

And then, like, she starts fighting her. And Gwen isn’t hurting her back because she wanted to remain friends. But then she decides to hit back by saying.

“That’s for him not being your boyfriend when he kissed me.”

You know, Courtney, she does have a point. But she then responds by saying this:

"I never really missed Duncan, but I really missed you..."

What?! That has to be the dumbest line ever! If you missed her, then why were you mad at her when he wasn’t even your boyfriend at the time? I’m so confused!

And then for the rest of the season, their friendship is just on and off; only coming into existence when the plot calls for it. While we’re on the subject of relationships:

8) Love is Everywhere

So as I have already established, Mike and Zoey are “relationship” characters; only created to recreate the Gwen and Trent relationship. Their redundancy is so obvious that even the writers were able to spot. And after having these characters for a whole season, they feared that the children would “magically” notice this too. They need a gimmick to distract them, but not just that. They also need something new for fans to write stories and art for. So what exactly is this solution?

Why a new relationship, of course. But all these characters have been established over the course a season or more seasons. You can’t pair up two original characters, but you also can’t pair up two new characters. So let’s inter-marry, shall we?

Now as much as the writers would “love” to create a new pairing, they are on a tight schedule. With added commercials, they only have twenty minutes a week to shove as much crap onto the screen as they can. With Mal, Mike and Zoey, poop jokes, flushing, explosions, mutants, and bizarre challenges all going on at once, it’s hard to find time for anything else. About ten seconds if you’re lucky. Of course, that’s not enough time to establish chemistry, conversations, and blossoming romance, so we have to cut right to the chase.

To the writers’ point of view, in order to have the most beneficial defense, you need to show that romance doesn’t just come from the way you’re packaged; that it can in fact come from anywhere. So the only way to do it is to do it with two of the most unlikely characters that you could find together alone. And for the sake of time, they chose Courtney and Scott.

I want to be convinced that the writers just wrote the first two names that came to mind, but I guess this really is the best they could put together. Not only is the pairing weird, but the execution is very clunky and resembles show awkward hate-hate relationship.

It starts off with them cheering at the end of a challenge. They wanted it to be subtle, but I already knew that they would end up together.’

More of these events occur until we can’t it anymore and their relationship is established. But right away, it comes off as bizarre. When I watch them together, I see two things:

• A team of writers desperate to get another couple in so they can exploit Mike and Zoey as much as possible.

• Two awkward teenagers who are sight reading through the part of the script where they’re supposed to be in love.

So throughout their first whole episode together (a.k.a. the 100th episode), they want us to believe that this couple is cute. They try to represent someone who is socially awkward but has a heart of gold and a mate who actually wants this relationship to work, but only makes you want to make it die faster.

So after some exchanges, Mal sets up a poorly executed plan to make it seem like Courtney kissed Cameron. So after some weird fall, Scott sees Cameron obviously “kissing” Courtney, but he’s too stupid to realize it and gets everything reversed.

So now they’re angry at each other. And no matter how many times Courtney lays it out for Scott, he still believes what Mal wanted him to believe. The funny thing I find about this situation Scott is basically role reversing what he did last season. He himself did these devious things that he would have been caught for if anyone had half a brain cell.

You don’t believe me? Well I’ll give you an example of what I’m talking about right now:

So in “Ice, Ice Baby” B stumbled upon this wonderful piece that he chiseled up so it could as a magnifying glass. He then sets it up and it starts to melt the other team’s castle really fast (Even though a magnifying glass can only concentrate light to a smaller point, not a larger one. And besides, the castle couldn’t melt that fast. But whatever, it’s a cartoon) Then some sort of quarrel breaks out on Scott’s castle before he gets propelled to the other side of the castle (The side with the magnifying glass). B, on the other hand is inside the castle, where someone could see him in there. So Scott decides to sabotage B by throwing a snowball at it which causes the angle to be changed (the snowball wouldn’t have enough mass to move the large piece of ice unless Scott threw it at a fast enough speed to do it. But the human arm alone wouldn’t be able to throw it at that speed. Also, the snowball wouldn’t be able to sustain momentum because the particles of snow that it’s composed of wouldn’t be able to stick to the form long enough. But again, it’s a cartoon). So for some reason, the light reflects off the ice coffin of Sam (the light wouldn’t reflect off it. It would go through it to the other team’s castle. Also, Sam’s facial expression during this moment only adds salt to the wound. But don’t worry, IT’S A CARTOON!) and it instantly melts his own team’s castle (the heat wouldn’t melt it that fast. There’s no added heat from the cartoony rebound to make it melt faster. Scott wouldn’t get anywhere in the real world.) So everyone looks at Scott, who looks very suspicious (you know, as if he had just sabotaged his team). Now this show would want you think that nobody on Scott’s team would be able to witness it, but you have two: B and Dawn. B may or may not have said what he saw, but Dawn would have. She had a clear view of where B was at the time of the sabotage. Also, you expect me to believe that nobody has inter-team connections. You know it may not concern them now, but if Scott were to get to the merge, then he could be pulling this crap on them. Tell Lightning and Sam! I mean, Scott’s face looks like he’s a Devious One, in fact that’s his label! The moment I saw this guy on the promotional posters, he looked like someone who could really ruin my chances of winning. So as long as they had a brain cell, then they didn’t need to see it to believe it. And then Scott says to B (with Dawn watching) that he sabotaged the team. Dawn, you can read people’s minds, right? Can you tell when someone’s lying, or you know, is a complete villain? You successfully managed to unravel the deepest secrets people have without the slightest hint. So why can’t you pick out a liar on the scene when you could have seen the person who’s being accused not doing what he was accused of and the accuser acting and looking very suspicious not just at the time, but other times earlier. And not just your team, but everyone on the show knows what you’re capable of. If she told anybody, they would have instantly believed her. And if you compared her word to someone who looks like a Devious One, who would you honestly go with? But no, instead we get this:

“B stands for bad and Beverley is a bad man.”

“I never took him for that guy, but fact wise, he would seem that he’s that guy.”

(attempts to speak)


So this role reversal seems a little interesting, until you realize how it continues to show how stupid Scott is. If Scott had seen how Cameron was positioned in the shot where they’re kissing, we wouldn’t be in this love wedge that was already a wedge to begin with.

So, similar to Gwen and Courtney, this portion of the season kind of turns off for a bit until it comes back up in episode 12.

I already iterated this, but I’ll briefly recap. Courtney made some stupid list that Mal found about and Scott wanted us to believe that he voted her off. He may have, or he may still have had trust in her. It’s kind of implied after she got flushed.

“Well maybe not all bad.”

The show obviously threw in that line to remind the audience that Scott and Courtney were still in love, but by doing that, they entirely contradict the whole Cameron dispute that clearly shouldn’t have been a dispute. If Scott had voted for Courtney, then the writers would want us to think that he felt bad for the decision. But we as an audience can’t show sympathy for Scott or the couple as a whole. The very existence of their relationship is bizarre enough and was clearly shoehorned in somehow. And because of that, the show had to do a much better job at showing genuine emotion in order for us to believe that the two have chemistry. But it just doesn’t! Instead we get a couple of strange interactions that happen for some odd reason and bam, they’re dating. At least in Island, the writers spread Duncan’s and Courtney's interactions over twelve episodes before they start loving, and even then we saw compatibility; we knew that they were meant for each other.

And it did get worse once they ended up a couple. They were arguing, laughing at each other’s misery, and always seemed like they were on the verge of stabbing each other. This ain’t no love! This is frustration! They are always irritated with each other and the writers that forced them together.

“You just don’t get it! They’re just warming up to each other!”

No they’re not.

“Maybe if you were in love, you would understand!”

I think I understand the emotion just as much as you-

“She just got out of a love triangle! Give her a break!”

Just got out?! She just forgave-

“Scott’s just a poor farm boy who’s never known love!”

“Scott’s dad never taught him anything about dating!”

“He lived on a farm!”

“Courtney’s just insecure!”


9) So Where’s The Cake?

So All-Stars presented us with the series’ one hundredth episode. And this wouldn’t be a Total Drama All-Stars review if I didn’t give you my opinion on it.

I’m not going to lie, the one hundredth episode sucked! This one episode that Total Drama fans had been long anticipating contained many things that bugged me and it has to be the worst episode this season had to offer. So let’s start with my main issue: Ezekiel.

Ezekiel has to be one of my favorite contestants this series had to offer. Let me explain his influence:

In Island, he just seemed like that one contestant that I kind of forgot about. He showed up in that episode at Playa de Losers, the finale, and the Island special. This is where he starts to stick in my mind and doesn’t go away. Then in Action, he was a commentator during the Aftermaths. He had a couple good in there.

And then came Celebrity Manhunt, which is my personal favorite episode. And it was also the episode where I enjoyed Ezekiel the most (as well as the rest of the cast). He had some great moments in this special, and when it was revealed that he was coming back for World Tour, I got pumped. I actually couldn’t wait for this third season to come out. But then I saw the season. Ouch! First he was the first one out…again. That kind of hurt me until I saw him latching on to the plane. And then I was filled with hope that he would make an epic return and ultimately win. Every time I saw a Zeke cameo, I said this to myself.

“Just one more episode. And Chris will re-introduce him and he will win it all.”

And then came the next major blow. In “I See London”, Chris throws him out of the plane after he failed an opportunity to come back into the game. I wanted to punch the screen when I saw that. To date, this has to be the worst episode of all time because of that one moment. (Yes there’s also Duncan’s return and the spark of the love triangle, but if Zeke returned, then I could forgive it to some degree).

But then Ezekiel started to turn into Gollum from Lord of the Rings (don’t know why). This started to affect the show on the whole. This is really the first event that would bring us to what I like to call “Cyber Total Drama”.

This is the period of time where the show started to really jump the shark with gimmicks and forced plot points. Also, this on top of (mostly) bad comedy and bizarre characters start to become the focus of the show ninety-nine percent of the time. The remaining one percent goes to things that we as a wiki care about, but the show tries so hard to kill it as fast and disrespectfully as possible so that the “ruling” aspects cannot be overthrown.

Anyway, Zeke continues to become more and more feral until he steals the million dollars from Chris in the finale. He then falls into the volcano with it, and he survives (as if it was nothing). Again, hopes was on the rest of the series being how the public reacts to this, but let’s face it, this is clearly some mental patient’s fantasy.

Not too much happens in ROTI except for Ezekiel being used in a challenge.

And now we’re here, in All-Stars. In episode one, they tease Ezekiel into thinking he’s competing until he’s caught in a plunger and launched off. If I were Chris’ parole officer, I would’ve already started to send this loser back to jail. But like I said, this is some dream; where if you’re a celebrity, you get “paroled” (basically means he’s a free man with a clean criminal record) after just one year for deliberately destroying the lives of thousands of organisms by hastily dumping on their land (again, not sure why Chris needed that much nuclear waste to be dumped somewhere, or any nuclear waste at all), leaving an innocent teenage girl ostracized by society for being cartoonishly mutated into a monster, and threatening others.

And that brings us here to the hundredth episode, where Ezekiel appears again. And what does he do? He kidnaps Chris during a hundredth episode party. Good job, Zeke! Keep it up! So then he ties Chris upside down over a pool of nuclear waste. That’ll show ‘em! And Chris starts to mock Zeke by reminding him of all the crap he’s given him, which of course makes Ezekiel angry. As a result, he starts to cut the rope and get his revenge. Yes! Yes! Yes! After all these years of being spat in the face, Ezekiel is finally going to get redemption! But…

Then…he’s thwarted by Gwen…with a spaghetti cannon…you heard me! A SPAGHETTI CANNON! The runner up of Island in the US and the winner in Scandinavia chose to defeat Ezekiel (the man who has gone through hell over the years just to get some justice and respect) instead of letting Chris get killed.

You know, girl…I believe in the season when you get eliminated, you would go on to say this:

“Next time?! Oh no! No way am I ever coming back to this dump!”

What else might I add? You have won/came in second in a season, you have made to the final three in another, and you made all your little appearances here and there. You got to experience Total Drama when you were just a miserable Goth who wanted nothing more than to quit. Ezekiel, on the other hand, had wanted to win more than anything! He was willing to live in a cargo hold for a few weeks just so he could have a chance to compete. You on the other hand, have enjoyed rewards from challenges and had spent plenty of time in luxury. Keep in mind that she says this quote like five episodes later. Out of all the episodes she has competed in, what difference was five going to make? You had resented Chris since the beginning! And now you’re here with the opportunity to kill him! Chef’s passed out and you could have easily just dumped his body into the acid as well. No matter what TDI ending you go down, you have experienced these two for five seasons and have seen little to no payoff (sure you get rewards, but you still have to go to challenges). At some point, you had to come to the realization that maybe this war isn’t worth fighting for. You’ve seen Heather win only to get the money robbed from her. So clearly, there isn’t a reward for your suffering. Also, even if Chris stayed to his word and had merely given Heather like another million dollars for her troubles, that money is finite. A million dollars may not last you your entire life. And unless you truly became a great artist and a great saleswoman, there’s certainly no way of maintaining such wealth. But scars, emotional or physical, last a lifetime. If you had gotten your leg ripped off from one of those mutant sharks, then you’ll have to live with that for the rest of your life. Sure, you could get a crutch or an artificial leg, but you’ll have to live with that handicap forever. And not just that, but the memory. Memories can be extremely grasping, especially for events of this extreme. But let’s look on the bright side. Assume that you come out uninjured. You could now have PTSD and have nightmares. But let’s look at a worst case scenario. You could be called in for more seasons, or even for the rest of your life. (I actually read a fanfic about how the contestants are still competing fifty years later). And you have a chance to end it by just throwing these two hosts into a pool of nuclear waste. Would it be a double homicide? Yes. But I think if this show was airing on international television and if enough of your fellow contestants testified, you could make a bold argument that it was out of self-defense.

But since that would mean no more Total Drama, Gwen takes the idiot route and decides to trap the person who deserves to win the money way more than any of these losers do.

Wow! I’ve gone on for a while about this Ezekiel issue. But that just seemed like the biggest problem about this one hundredth episode; that it once again puts Zeke in a bad light and makes him just look like another one of their gimmicks as opposed to an actual living person with feelings.

So what else was wrong with this “special”? Well…it was the length of a normal episode and it just felt too much like a normal episode. You got a structured challenge, some character interactions, and an elimination I might add.

This episode would have been better if it were an hour long and featured the entire cast. It could just be them reflecting on their times on Total Drama. There would be no challenge or elimination or any of that crap. My vision of All-Stars would also involve Ezekiel and Dakota being humans, so there wouldn’t need to be a challenge. That, in my opinion, would have been much more effective.

10) Why is Chris living at Playa de Losers?

So in this season, fellow screen-hog Duncan does something so unforgiveable that he goes back to jail. He blows up Playa de Losers! You heard me. He blew the place that people went to after being eliminated!

But that’s not what the show says. Apparently, Chris is living there now. And it just so happens to be his “cottage”.

One would think that a writer just added this tidbit so that Duncan has an obstacle to overcome (to destroy it) and for Chris to make jokes about how rich he is. But I believe there’s something deeper and more mean-spirited than it.

As most of the wiki knows, Playa de Losers is where contestants in TDI went after they got eliminated. It was based off Ponderosa from Survivor. Island decided to devote an entire episode to it to not only answer this question, but to also instill hope in the fans of eliminated contestants; to show that they’re not gone forever.

But now, it’s being implied that Chris has lived here for quite some time now. I think he would have said “new cottage” if he had just moved there. Besides, there’s plenty of Chris memorabilia to go around. So my guess is that he moved into it for ROTI. By that logic, that meant that none of the hurled contestants could have been there when their time came. They were just left wherever they were. They could die, they could be seriously injured, or they could hitchhike back home. The fact that the entire cast manages to return for ROTI could imply another theory though.

They could have might as well been in some sort of concentration camp, where they continued to live miserable lives until the finale. Chances are that wouldn’t have happened in a kids’ show, but what I’m trying to get at is that this simple design of Chris’ home could mean a dark fate for anyone who is eliminated.

While I’m on that note, I’d like to ask where the piping for the big toilet leads to. Does it go to a community? Does it go to the ocean, or something?

In World Tour when the contestants are being thrown out of the plane, we at least get a thirty second video of where they land. But here, nope! Still want to call up that parole officer?

11) The Grand Finale

So we finally get to the finale and we have the most improbable final two: Mike and Zoey. God! They have gone too far with not trusting the target audience with surprises!

The first thing I should talk about is the poster this season provided for the finale. Each season starting with Action having a promotional image for the upcoming finale. It would have the two finalists together to show that they are competing against each other. It would have them facing each other, usually having a look of anger on their faces to show that they're against each other. Or, ROTI decided to take a different route and showed Lightning and Cameron preparing to fight with a weary backdrop (despite the ridiculously cartoony mutants).

So what do they decide to do for All-Stars? 
Mal vs Zoey

Ran out of money; thrown together in 30 seconds

Yeah, me too. There are two big problems with this poster that makes me want to turn off the TV and shut off the monitor.

Number one, they're not facing each other. It's like they took their entrance photos and slapped them together. Absolutely no tension between them. Don't they want to win or something?

And the elephant in the room (or at least to me), the backdrops. They're supposed to tell us that two opposite yet equal forces are competing against each other; good and evil. But the problem is that none of them are good representatives of the two ideals. I mean, what did Zoey do that made her a "hero"? Get out Scott? Win challenges? To be fair, nobody on the Heroic Hamsters did anything especially heroic. The closet has to be Lindsay, who stood up to Heather in Island, but the writers don't really have a clear definition of a hero. I mean, how many true heroes have been on this show. Each season only has a handful of people who actually have a plan from the beginning and almost of it is to be a villain. Also, anyone who is truly pure as well as effective an does have true intentions of protecting people for the sake of their happiness would only give them a one-way ticket down the toilet. Meanwhile, Mal (or Malejandro) did nothing of especially evilness. All he did was break stuff and get out one guy who was given the idiot ball once for the sake of the plot. I could imagine this rivalry between Dawn and Alejandro (even though he was already in the final once) because they are the definition of their ideals. But I guess that's too good for the writers.

So anyway, for the challenge, Chris makes it no surprise that he expects someone to die as a result of this “amazing” challenge. And I will not lie, I think it is a bit epic, but it’s how the challenge is done that’s terrible.

So at this point, Zoey has found out that Mike is under an evil persona known as Mal. She of course, tells him to come out, which he does. But the dialogue that the two exchange is just very clunky, even by kids’ shows standards.

Mal then tells Zoey that Mike is gone forever, even he actually isn’t because he hasn’t killed him yet. Why didn’t you do that before?! You made it sound like you could! Oh, because you wanted to take care of Alejandro first, right! Couldn’t you have multitasked?! Couldn’t you have done it at night?! Why didn’t you get it done?!

Zoey then assumes that Mike is gone forever and buries some necklace Mike gave her when he was hurled in ROTI. But didn’t that break?! You know, when Zoey fell off that cliff! We saw it cracked and half of it falling off. That was the reason she became a ninja! And they talked about this necklace all season and it was part of the reason why she figured out that Mal was fake. Yeah! She apparently used Mal’s wrong answer to a question about the necklace as the test to see if he was real.

On that note, what kind of boyfriend is Mike anyway! I mean, I know that Zoey fell off a large cliff, but I’ve seen fool’s gold withstand greater falls than that!

So let’s get to the challenge. We of course start with the first part, which involves them popping fart bubbles that have eliminated contestants in them. And where are these bubbles coming from? None other than Island finalist, Owen! (farts don’t usually form bubbles, and especially not big enough to hold a human. But like I said it’s a cartoon). So everybody has like a minute to pop down who they can. And they manage to get out Alejandro, Gwen, Heather, and Cameron. Does anyone see what I see? Clearly, all of these helpers were finalists themselves in seasons past. Sound suspicious? And I guess everyone else just dies. I mean, they float up into space! No one can survive in space! And even if the bubble popped before they reached the edge of the atmosphere, they wouldn’t have the proper equipment to safely land. So we can just assume that they’re dead.

But then it gets interesting. Apparently, Alejandro and Heather are dating now. What?! Why didn’t they do that at the end of World Tour?! You know, when it was fresh in everyone’s heads! Oh no, it was the money that got in the way! What kind of writing is that! Have you seen these people outside of competition?! We saw them both during Celebrity Manhunt! They were just as nasty before! Or why didn’t you do while he was in the robot suit?! Was Chris hiding him or something?! What?! But it’s okay, because Chris later makes it fair game for everyone, which of course causes more conflict! Yum!

And then apparently, Mike and his other personalities get into Mal’s tower so easily. Why wouldn’t Mal have guards to defend the tower? He clearly had enough power to enslave all the personalities, so why he couldn’t get proper defense for his tower?! Get this, the biggest obstacle the personalities had in there was the stairs! The freaking stairs! And when they got to the top, all there was a reset button. No guards, no lasers, no Mal controlling the body’s every action from a control panel. Just a red button standing there! My God! Mal is the worst villain ever! He was supposed to be cool and all, but all he is a wimp! A spineless man with a bloated ego who thinks that his plan was so flawless that he would assume control forever! I mean, come on!

So Mike presses the reset button, and suddenly all of his personalities die, but at the same time not die. By this shows logic, Mike now has the powers of the gymnast while retaining his normal self.

Then, Mike and Zoey get to the final level and they have to pull some sword in order to win. All the while, Chef is fighting them with his spaghetti cannon (again, sounds completely stupid).

So Zoey is hiding behind a rock while the cannon reflects off the rock and they’re in normal strife. And then the worst thing ever happens!

Out of nowhere, it cuts to Mike who has pulled out the sword. I thought it was a trick! I thought that Chris would announce that something else would happen. But nope! He comes with the million dollars and declares him the winner of the United States!

Are you serious?! Nothing built up to that! It just threw it at us! No struggle, no hints, just Mike holding the sword and cheering! ARE! YOU! FREAKING! SERIOUS!

But that’s not the end of it. Chris then gets a phone call from the studio, declaring that they want to do the next season, Pahkitew Island. And then, it turns out that Chef had built the challenge using a hydraulic drill and because the island is so small, it sinks.

Fantastic! No more dignity, no more quality, and NO MORE WAWANAKWA!

You know, I can into this finale hoping, just hoping that this finale would be bad, but not bad enough to push itself to this new level. But I was wrong. Remember what I said earlier about “I See London” being the worst episode of the series? Well you can kiss that goodbye! Remember me saying that ROTI was worse than this season? Say farewell to that as well! Total Drama All-Stars has hit a new low! Nothing could POSSIBLY top this episode for the amount of garbage that it is! Nothing!

Now…after all the bashing that I did to this season, you probably have several things on your mind. You’re probably wondering if I have gone too far about a kids’ show. No. I don’t think so. You can have dumb things in a kid show, but you cannot have an empty soul. In seasons past, the finales brought back everyone and it was all a big happy reunion. But I believe that this episode is seriously damaging to children. And that was really based off those contestants dying. Now, I know that World Tour did this too, and trust me that was terrible. But at least that came at the end of the episode and everything kind of happened offscreen. And then in the first seconds of the followinig episode, we see them again. The canon doesn't allow any time for itself to add salt to the wound.

But now you have this. You're showing this death scene earlier in the episode and their fate is clearly seen. And they reference it as well.

"I bet those guys are having a great time, up in space." (This quote is paraphrased)

The fact that these people are completely unaffected by this scene are teaching kids a horrible lesson; that one shouldn't care about people or learn love. And why is that, because they can just be replaced.

"We'll have a brand new cast and a new island!" (paraphrased)

Now I get that Chris said something like this at the end if World Tour, but this moral is theme of the entirety of All-Stars, not just an episode. I mean, look at it! People are being voted off for dumb reasons, they're being flushed down a humorously sized toilet, and everyone is just so mean and conceded! A bunch of people that we've seen for some time were killed off for no purpose! The ones we care about we're given no closure, or even an opportunity! And the ones that we don't, we'll they're still people! And for all these reasons, this episode has no redeeming factors! Nothing!

I bet even a lot of kids will be disappointed by how this finale was handled. And they have every right! This isn't endearing, this isn't fun! It's garbage! Rotten garbage! In finales past, Chris just acting fun. He was kind of played with as well. The challenges were dangerous, but at least it was fun to watch. This…isn’t! Chris was just being a jerk in this episode! He was constantly ignoring phone calls that should have been from his parole officer, he was so desperate to have somebody actually die, even if it was one of the eliminated contestants. Also in this episode, they showed interns. They may not have been killed or used during this challenge, but look at them! Their stomachs are thin from starvation! My God! Chris never put any intern through this much agony! At least when he killed them in seasons past, their suffering was short! And then Chris is forbidding Heather and Alejandro from even hugging! You cold-hearted jerk!

Now, the other thing that will be on your mind is the question: Why am I still watching this? Well I’m still watching for the same reason some other people on the wiki: I grew up with it. I was ten years old when Island came out in the US. You know, I saw the promos and decided to watch it. I liked what I saw and continued to watch it until I’ve seen just about every episode to date. No matter how bad this season might have been, I’m not going away. And I’m doing it because I have hope. Hope that the series will improve for the better. Maybe season six won’t be as bad as…this! Maybe these new characters will be interesting, maybe the island is cool, and maybe, just maybe, it has the heart and emotion of Island and Action. Now…looking at these writers, that may not be likely. But I am confident that they may wake up and see the light, or even they would get replaced. So it’s all that hope that I have that Total Drama will change for the better. And if I’m wrong and I am overreacting, then so be it. Maybe I am. Maybe this is actually some tragedy about what could have been but what was instead ruined to supposedly please the masses. But I doubt that the writers nowadays would be that deep. And my hope is that years later or even now, kids will see this and see what it really is. I'm not saying it's wrong to like it, but no matter your opinion, explain it and we may be able to relate to it. I know this was a long review, but this is just me expressing my opinion. Bye.

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