WARNING. This gets heavy.

We're here to talk about Total Drama's, hands down, most problematic character in existance. You've been bashing Mike. You've been bashing Zoey. I understand your upset over their transgressions, but it's important to be open about our feelings; good or bad. Our feelings towards THIS character are insurmountably bad. But together we can get all of this hatred-filled baggage off of our chests by expressing our shattered sensitivities in this blog.

One character has clearly thrown the fanbase into utter pandemonium of the most malevolant degree. How this sickening abomination grugdingly slithered into the scripts of this sacred show is beyond any of us. How could the writers do this to us? How was this character deemed a good idea? Many of us have had to buy new television sets after falcon punching our T.V.s due to being exposed to the overwhemingly horrific existance of this disgraceful, imbecilic heathen. 

I'm sorry to bring up this heart wrenching topic, and you've all been so brave as to suppress your rage for this lout. Feel, don't conceal any further. Let it all out. Let's talk about the controversial topic of... Billy The Intern.


What a disgusting, smug, putrid-looking smart***. Is that the face of a intricately designed, thoroughly developed character ready to tackle on the responsibilities of being a wallflower!? NO! What were they thinking?! Let's pick apart his design first, shall we? Talk about lazy. His hair is UNREALISTICALLY featured. I mean, look at that volume? Does this show want kids thinking their hair can stand up a whopping five inches in height!? What kind of message are they conveying to these kids? At least Anne Maria and Mike's hair is REALISTIC. This mane is disaster with extensions.

And EARRINGS too!? There are KIDS watching this show, Fresh! At least Lightning sets a GOOD EXAMPLE for how to act in every day circumstances! Next thing you know, they'll have Billy teaching kids how to rob banks, make fake I.D.s and eat dinner AFTER brushing your teeth!

His shirt. Oh my gosh. Wardrobe malfunction, anybody? Isn't it pathetic when the show recycles designs like this?! PUH-LEESE. We're not as dense as you think we are, Fresh. This shirt is clearly taken straight from the design of CCCCCCHHHHHET... Chet from Ridonculous. Ignoring the long sleeve underneath, it's obvious that the animators are die hard fans of shirts with colored schemes between cornflower blue and fuschia. Wearing a short sleeved shirt is SO overdone. We fans want a little something called "variety".

And MINT!? Mint!? I'm sorry, am I the only that finds the decision to make a vile, trashy, piece-of-garbage character like Billy wear something as soothing and delectable as a MINT colored shirt? I can't stand the color now! People approach me nowadays and go "CoGreen", what's your favorite color!? I have to be honest with them and say "every shade of green except MINT", why? Because this moist towellette, Billy, ruined it for me.


He probably wrote anon hate on that clipboard of his.

And look HERE. His design is flip-flopping all over the place, unlike his detestable personality, which has remained consistantly grungy since his unfortunate debut. A tank top? INDOORS!? He couldn't have lent it to Bridgette and Geoff, the ACTUAL aftermath hosts sitting out on stage in the blistering heat of the spotlights? They're the ones sweating buckets, and here Billy is selfishly hoarding all of the cool, freedom of exposed skin for himself. He should just take his shirt off! I don't care ... how .... fantastically figured he is.... h-he, um he won't win over our love after all of the terrible things he's done!! YEAH!

Oh my gosh. Why? Here's exhibit A of his DISGUSTING display of his diminishing sense of self control. He controls a rabid dragon wolf tiger lion lizard carnation bear wizard robot monster and attacks the poor, unsuspecting cast! In this specific picture, he's in the semi-finale, "Mutiny On The Soundstage" of Total Drama Action where Duncan must face against him in order to advance in the season-wide-themed obstacle course. 


Those aren't wires behind him. It's a TAIL. This demographic isn't ready for furries yet!

Okay first off, how DARE he lay a finger on precious Duncan. Duncan's been through enough on this show, and from this point on in the series, Duncan only falls victim to more and more tragic events completely caused by other selfish people like Billy and not at all from Duncan's own behavior and decisions. Billy proceeds to blush and drop Duncan when Duncan kissed the dragon monster on the cheek. Let me tell you everything wrong with this. He DROPPED Duncan after he kissed him! Excuse me?! Who taught you manners!? You give someone flowers and ask them out to dinner if they kiss you, okay?! You don't DROP THEM, BILLY. I bet Billy would make his date pay for the meal anyway, so it's probably for the best that sweet, precious Duncan got away unscathed by Billy's villainy. Second of all, Billy blushed and dropped Duncan after the robot kiss. How can he do that when Billy's MARRIED and has eight kids named Daryl, Dory, Marvin, Felicia, Vixen, Ingrid, and Doctor Wimbledon back home. Nothing else needs to be said. Shame on you, Billy.

Billy explicably set up this challenge so that the final four would have to dig up oil drums. He KNEW that this string of events would lead to "This Is How We Will End It". How DARE he bring that song into existance, knowing our hearts and our minds would be destroyed by its sheer awesomeness! Too much awesomeness and dramatic buildup is a hazard to this specific fanbase's collective blood sugars! SHAME, Billy. SHAME.


Beth's taken, and you're married, you conceited bagel!

Did I also mention that Billy killed an old man and wore his skin on live television whilst trying to seduce Beth? Cuz THAT HAPPENED.


I could watch this scene over and over again.

All in all, Billy is a HORRIBLE character who deserves to be shoved out of the Drop of Shame OVER AND OVER AND OVER again, without a parachute... and his shirt. Besides the point. HE'S AWFUL. BASH HIM.

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