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Heatheren

Welcome back to another fresh baked review. While the last two episodes were good, I think this episode definitely stood out on top. WHERE WAS BRICK IN THIS EPISODE?

Anyway, we start out the episode by hearing Duncan say “crud” about 58 times. Have they even said “crap” yet? This series is slowly becoming less edgy. And why did the animators decide to draw in shadows? I keep feeling like they’re going to jump out and violate me. Heather’s still missing the rabbit on her pajamas. Does Jo just not change clothes? Doesn’t she shave her pits?

Bunking with the Bickersons is driving me bonkers!

Bunking with the Bickersons? That literally sounds like a comedy movie about one side of a family having to live with another side of the family as they continuously find differences until finally coming to resolution at the end of the film and being able to live together as a family. Just look.

Bunking bickersons

See? Oh yeah, by the way, they all become cannibals and eat Gwen halfway through.

Then we jump over to the spa hotel (owl and butler ship, anyone?) and Sierra sleeps like a dog. I cracked up at that one. Anyways, Mike and Cameron talk about how boring they are, while Sam gets eaten by bears. Meanwhile, the Malevolent One (does he actually have a name?) breaks Sam’s game console. I’m digging this persona, he’s badass. He totes needs to burn Zoey alive.

At breakfast, Cameron… for some reason… puts an egg in his pocket. I guess it’s because his own egg will never work for fertilization. WOAH.

It’s always classic when Chris swags out on the P.A. system. Why are the contestants walking in the forest so much lately? I noticed this started in Truth or Laser Shark. Not that it’s a bad thing, I’d just like to explore more territory. Also, how long is Alejandro going to walk on his hands? And for that matter, was he always faking it, or were his legs just asleep at first? I would note that his arms should’ve been asleep too, but I guess he had to do something in that robot suit, AMIRITE. So Heather tries to french Gwen or something, but it turns out she’s just playing her. Jo does the same, but I don’t judge. There’s a lot of split confessionals this season, I dunno what’s up. It was funny the first time, but it quickly wears off.

For once I have a little power around here. Go team Gwen!

Something tells me you’re the only member of your fan club. And the TD writers, who just show up at meetings to throw horse droppings at you and take pictures when you cry yourself to sleep each night. However, I am liking Gwen as much as I used to, though. I don’t know if Courtney’s going through menopause, but she needs to calm down. Heroes vs. Villains showed us that she had some maturity, and she still does, but if we’re supposed to take her as mature, why does she have to directly start beef with Gwen? I dunno, but it’s enough of a reason to foreshadow more of Gwuncan’s downfall. I’m just sort of tired of the love triangle. Not because it’s that annoying on the show, but there’s way too much debate over it on the wiki. At this point, it seems everyone’s jumping at Gwen for it. It’s funny, though, because Ryan and I were discussing how nobody batted an eyelash at Bridgette when she blatantly cheated on Geoff with little remorse at first, yet she lashed out at Geoff for acknowledging that Heather is pretty hot, which everyone in the world already knows. I CALL BIASED. Anyways, Alejandro flirts with Gwen again. I hope she realizes that not his entire bottom half is asleep. I’m running out of innuendo.

Then I’ll be the one that Heather needs… and Jo… Heh heh, Heather and Jo.

Was I the only one who heard Heatherandro?

So Chris ships Sam’s corpse to the island, and Cameron gives Sam his egg. GREEN EGGS AND CAM, AMIRITE. So, apparently this is a tribute to the war movie challenge, even though none of the actual challenges are involved.

Leeches? Chris is really making us earn the million this year. Jerk.

Whatever helps you sleep at night, hon. The leech sucks on Scott, even though it’s Scott who’s usually sucking. Why are Heather and Gwen main squeezes now? AND STOP WALKING ON YOUR HANDS, ALEJANDRO. IT’S UNNATURAL.

Courtney’s kind of scary sometimes… and I love when things get scary…

I like you. We can hang. So Zoey basically flies up a tree using the powers of blatant blandness, and a little godplay.

GO VULTURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did Alejandro really need to belt that out? And now, Cameron and Sierra are friends. Why does one of my least favorite characters have to be friends with one of my favorite characters? Oh well, maybe Sierra will like, use his flesh for a Cody blow up doll.

Awww, cute! I think I’ll call you… Codys.

Alright, sweety, you need to get a hobby or something. So everyone tries to lay Gwen, except Duncan. Why does that not sound right? I legitimately feel bad for that intern. Gwen better write him a check or something. We’ve already seen how Gwen is with apologies, though. Hopefully she doesn’t accidentally paper cut his throat open.

Then.. in an odd scene… Sierra imagines Cameron as Cody… Well…

HERE’S THE TOP FIVE JOKES YOU CAN MAKE IN THIS SITUATION.

5. Guess the animators preferred Cameron’s old design better afterall.

4. Once you go Cam, Cody-Wody will be damned.

3. “I wear the tan skin around here, Cameron.

2. I guess Sierra likes White Chocolate better.

1. Radioactivity doesn’t only make hair white.

So Courtney decides to guard Sam because she wants to… lie around? What happened to the Courtney who tried to kill four people back in Island? Anyways, Mike can’t channel any of his more likable personalities, I miss you, Vito. A leech is launched at Alejandro’s butt cheek.

Sorry… but not totally.

Alright, completely honest, and my despise for Zoey aside, this was a good line. Scott dies, while Duncan wants to know why they lost a point, since Zoey only hit ALAYHANDRO. Put less emphasis on it, Drew Nelson.

AVENGE ME.

This is literally the most random line ever, but it’s surreally hilarious. Then Duncan and Gwen have a conversation about how they both how oddly colored their hair is, then Gwen, for some reason, like, fake vomits in the confessional. Okay. Cameron says something smart. Cause, DUHR, IT’S FUNNY. CAMERON IS SUCH A LIKABLE CHARACTER BECAUSE HE SAYS THINGS THAT PEOPLE DON’T UNDERSTAND.

Awwwww, Duncan jumped in front of Gwen. There is hope for Gwuncan. <3 But then we get more of Jo wearing gray sweatpants. LOL LIGHTNING. Even when he’s eliminated, the writers still realize that he’s the funniest character here. And then we get a Matrix reference… because I guess Alex Ganetakos forgot that they did that in the third episode.

Nice try, mean nickname giver!

Does your family even like you? So in an act of godplay, Zoey wins for the Hamsturds. Speaking of bad puns, we get a pretty obvious elimination of Jo. But not before Sierra hallucinates about Cody again. This is borderline sociopathy. And Cameron goes on exile duty, so I can spend the first few minutes of the next episode not looking and his DISGUSTING design. And if this is considered racism, I’d back it up by saying how bodaciously gorgeous Lightning is. I’d have his babies.

So Duncan and Courtney switch teams, in a surprisingly cute scene, as Duncan and Courtney have their first confrontation in a whole episode. That’s a long time in TD universe. This is the show that had to have Mike and Zoey touch a maggot, just so they could fill in their screentime for the episode. Gwen kills Courtney, and Jo, along with her gray sweatpants, is flushed away.

This episode was surely the best so far. Besides another somewhat forgettable challenge, the interactions and jokes were in tip top shape. Besides the usual terrible characters being, well, terrible, everything was in order. Stay tuned for the review of Food Fright, which will be written by....


LAURIE ELLIOT. RUN. FLEE. PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.

FINAL RATING: 8.6/10

+ Great interactions

+ Great jokes

+ More interest in Evil Mike

+ Jo's sweat pants

- Lame challenge

- Cameron

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