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Duncalejandro

What does this title even mean?

Welcome back to another review, which will probably start another flame war about how terrible of a person I am. After the train wreck that was Moon Madness, this episode is definitely an improvement.

"And we can't stop it so we gotta top it!"

I couldn't have been the only one who thought of that. Anyway, the intro plays, and I use that time to clip my fingernails. I usually clip them on Tuesdays; I was a little late this week. I clip my toenails on Thursdays. Man, Cameron looked fly without glasses. Now he’s a quarter-ounce more fugly than he was last episode, and a baker’s dozen more fugly since his glasses are broken.

"Don't even bother, you won't be around for it long enough to matter."

Why does Courtney wonder why she's a villain? She's a borderline terrorist. Also, is orange juice the only beverage the contestants drink on this show? At least Gwen's back to being cool in this episode. I mean, I don't like Cameron, but at least she isn't complaining. "waaaah Courtney doesn't like me. waaah the Villains are meansies. waaaah I wish I was on the Heroes team." Haha, SHUT UP.

"You look even nerdier than before. I know it sounds impossible, but here you are doing it. So..."

IT'S 'CAUSE HE'S BLACK, ISN'T IT? Ew, Alejandro kissing Heather's hand is icky.

"Once this gorgeous face gets rid of that gorgeous face, I will win it all!"

Wow, that's weird. You held out your hair for no reason like you did in Evil Dread. Not like they're reusing animation or anything, hahahahahahahahaha. Where did Zoey get an apple? Did she find it in the tree she flew up a few episodes ago? Jesus, the Malevolent One needs to stop breaking stuff. They should just rename him the "I Break Your Stuff Because I Guess It's Fun Or Something" One.

"Tough break."

At least his voice is cool.

"Well, your ears are wrong... and... SO IS YOUR FACE."

I luv you. Why was Mike eating apples with his knife? Oh my God, Zoey, just talk to him. HE IS YOUR BOYFRIEND. She acts like he's that one uncle who says unsettling things to you but you pass it off as just a quirky joke since he's a family member but it's actual signs of dysfunctional actions. Or is that just my family? I swear, the seagull getting awoken by a loudspeaker is the funniest thing ever for the writers. So, everyone takes a field trip to Boney Island. Chris states that the immunity idol is hidden in the fun zone... which would've probably been helpful in the past. Has it just been there the whole time? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF EXILE? And "patent pending" is another joke that the writers are obsessed with.

I'm still trying to figure out what this challenge is reference to. Rapa-Phooey!? The Enchanted Franken-Forest? I don't know, the writers are on crack. But at least they gave us Courtney's crack.


Mmmmmm.

"I found that funny because I'm not a nice person. That's why I laughed. Cause I'm not nice."

Yeah okay dood. Every one of Duncan's lines in this episode made me cringe. Zoey and Mike are totes stealing Gwen and Trent's theme music. That ain't cool. To be fair, this isn't a painful scene to watch. It's kinda nice. Why do they act like two best friends who are secretly in love, though?

"Eggscellent work, Alejandro."

EGGSCELLENT SPANISH OPPOSITION, ALEJANDRO. Why did it even say in the TV Guide summary that Gwen and Cameron bond? All they're doing is walking next to each other. Maybe the summary next week will be "Gwen and Cameron get intimate", and in that episode, she gives him a glass of apple juice. Sorry, orange juice.

So, Mike and Zoey come across Larry, who is apparently a "Lauri” ". I have an aunt Lauri. I also have a cousin Lari, who is my teach as well. My life is rather quirky that way. So, Zoey ends up creating a diversion to help her team. I don’t think I plant can forgive you, dude.

"Duncan, you wanna work together? … And let me call you Cody."

How is no one else concerned with Sierra’s mental health? OH MY GOD EW LARRY AND CHRIS HAD INTERCOURSE. DIDN’T CHRIS GROW LARRY? THAT’S TECHNICALLY INCEST. To be fair, though, Larry’s legs are luscious. So, Duncan and Alejandro suddenly become friends again, and Alejandro compares them to hens. Well, that would be sensible, except hens DON'T WALK ON THEIR HANDS, YOU MENTAL PATIENT.

So, we get a glimpse of more Scourtney, or as I like to call them Forcedney, as Heather tries to get Alehandstand eliminated. THAT’S TWO ZINGERS IN ONE SENTENCE. I’m just like that one contestant that wears GRAY SWEATPANTS. I don’t know why Heather wants Alejandro gone so badly. He could easily be an ally for her. But, since everyone on this show besides Heather and Alejandro are stupid, Scott and Courtney believe that Alejandro is voting for Scott. Then Sierra like, raises a mutant rat baby. I often try to analyze when TD became so bats**t insane. And batship insane. I’m on fire tonight. Fire reminds me of the latest chapter of a certain fanfiction that two of the wiki’s admins may or may not have written. Please read it. No one else does. :c

"Your quiche is as good as my quiche."

I lol'd at that. We go to the longest commercial break ever, where I decided to clip my toenails. I'm getting off schedule, but it is what it is. Does the maggot in a dress count as a cameo this season? Aw, Scourtney's cute. THEY STOLE ZOEY AND MIKE'S THEME MUSIC, WHO STOLE GWEN AND TRENT'S THEME MUSIC. Why would there be a chicken on the island? Heather lied and said that Alejandro was trying to get Cameron eliminated, which is a shame, because he's a baker's dozen more fugly since he put his glasses back together. Moving on, she ends up finding the invincibility statue in a goat's egg. Because I guess mutant goats reproduce wooden statues. But she ends up... hiding it... because she didn't want to come back with it. How was she so sure that someone else wouldn't find it? I mean, she has two pockets. And a third lucky hiding spot. But, sure enough, Alejandro finds it. And the elimination has become predictable. Which means that the press release of Total Drama All-Stars spoiled the entire elimination order.


...

So the fact that I just broke ceiling fan aside, why would Heather tell Alejandro she found the idol, regardless of him seeing it or not? He would've just ended up looking for it. With his magical mobility hands.

"So if getting a hit in the head made you lose contact with your other personalities, would another hit in the head bring them back?"

No.

"I can't hit you in the head... but, maybe Cameron will have a better plan."

Or a FUGLIER plan. God, Duncan's pissing me off this episode. I'm cool with another All-Star season. As long as it includes Owen. And Anne Maria. And Ezekiel, who's gone through rehab and therapy. Just like I did! I swear to God, I thought Mike was carrying the nest of eggs with Courtney. They wear the same brand of pants. The only difference is that Courtney is anotherethnicbackgroundian while Zoey is pale. Am I going to get in trouble for saying that about Zoey's skin?

Was it sick of me to hope the egg burst baby goat intestines everywhere? I guess I better go back to rehab. I just hope that egg didn't make Cameron any FUGLIER.

"Before we head home, did anyone leave anything behind that they would like to get?"

How did Chris even know this? Did he just assume that like, Mike left his new pair of galoshes over by a tree? Heather fighting with Chris is one of the best scenes this season, and her confessional was great too. They weren't particularly funny, I just love Heather. OH MY GOODNESS MIKE JUST TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE. Thankfully, it brings out the Malevolent One, who I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot for the next few episodes. Oh yeah, there just happens to be a can of hairspray lying around in the confessional. Yeah, don't mind the random can of hairspray on the toilet seat. Everything is oddly convenient in this episode. And now that the Malevolent One is back, his next devious plan is to break one of Chef's favorite vases. They can literally do anything on this show, but nothing pisses off more than when they show inside his head. Yeah, the cameraman just stuck a camera inside his ear without his will to see what was going on up there. Oh yeah, and "In the Hall of the Mountain King" plays here for some reason.

So, the commercials return and we get a Froot Loops commercials. I was always curious to see if Toucan Sam and his nephews escaped with the treasure. The treasure is Froot Loops though, which I don't get. Why don't they just go to the store and buy a box? Do toucans have the ability to speak but not the ability to pay currency?

I’m beginning to believe that Gwen broke up with Duncan so she could be with Courtney. I was hoping for a little action behind that bush. I'm kinda glad that they're done with the love triangle. I miss Gwuncan, but I guess I can deal with it. I just hope Zoey's prize is a wooden effigy Mike, cause let's face it, she isn't getting Mike's wood anytime soon. Where are the marshmallows? WOWEE. NOBODY EGGSPECTED HEATHER TO GO HOME. Well, everyone did. But, for once, Alejandro double-crossed Heather. I can honestly say I really like Al this season. He's the only character this season thus far that hasn't pissed me off, along with Sierra.

"I know that voice!"

Er... that whistle? The confessional reveal is kinda dumb. And "Mal" is really stupid. I was hoping for a flashback. Ugh, I'll miss your luscious ponytail, Heather. <3

Overall, this was a pretty good episode, and an improvement over the last one. Heather really topped off this episode, along with Alejandro. Nobody else really stood out for me, but nobody really annoyed me either. The challenge was pretty lame, and Duncan was annoying, but it was all tolerable. None of the jokes were that great, but I can't think of any that were bad, besides Duncan. A pretty good episode, that definitely proves that Terry McGurrin knows how to handle an episode.

Also, Courtney and Gwen box next episode. Now they're just making this relationship too obvious.

FINAL RATING: 8

+ Great spotlight for Heather and Alejandro

+ Well written character development

+ Improvements on Scourtney

- Another lame challenge

- Minimum of humor

- Too much Revenge of the Island

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