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Food fright

OH DEAR LORD THANK JESUS IN HEAVEN ZOEY DIDN'T SPEAK IN THIS EPISODE. Maybe the Malevolent One stole all her terrible traits in her sleep so her Barbara Mamabalabolobohobo voice was stolen as well.

Chef is spending all his time this season creeping up on people. He definitely has a closet of corpses in his basement or something. I love how Scott literally just starts eating food off of Courtney’s face. He’s sort of starting to remind me of Ezekiel, except without the social awkwardness and lack of caring parents since Zeke’s don’t seem to mind the least bit that their son is GREEN. They’re paying a crapload of detail this season. You can literally hear rain hitting the top of the confessional. Though, I can’t even remember the last time I heard a fly.

So, the Hamsters throw a party welcoming Duncan. You know it’s a rowdy party when they have a CD that plays part of the Aftermath theme song.

So yeah, I ate the cake. It was like eating the happiest day of my life.

This touched me a little. It humored me and touched me. Two things in one package. Maybe we’ve been too hard on Laurie Elliot. After all, she does play Jo, and Jo wears GRAY SWEATPANTS.

Let’s sing the welcome song!

As irrelevant as Sam can be, he does give his fair share of great lines. Especially this one. And in a shocking display of events, Sierra’s phone is… BROKEN?

Yeah, probably would’ve been more surprising if Evil Dread didn’t foreshadow the hell out of it. The Malevolent One is legitimately creepy, but I wish TD could do a little more with him. I understand that he’s breaking something near and dear to someone, but he should at least do something to stir a little more drama. I will admit that he is my favorite personality so far. He should like, traumatize Cameron by having him watch Zoey burn to death. Maybe I should start seeing my therapist more often.

I legitimately felt sorry for Sierra when she started crying. Maybe I’m not a psychopath. But it looks like Sierra’s phasing into one, as she imagines everyone as Cody. Seriously, did Cody with boobs turns her on? DID CODY WITH ZOEY’S BREASTS REALLY RETRIEVE A SEXUAL RESPONSE FROM SIERRA.

Oh well, at least Zoey isn't talking. WHAT THE HELL GWEN CRYING IS THE SADDEST THING EVER. Then we see more of Courtney's expressionless confessional face. So, it stops raining. Why was it even raining in the first place? All this time spent on useless tidbits could be used to include actual continuity. A bear urinates on Cameron. Someone had to write that. It's one of the funnier comical moments in the series so far. Sierra uses tape and a hanger to repair her phone, and uses to to "twert". That means the website is called "Twerter". That sounds a diaper brand for babies with chronic diarrhea. STOP WALKING ON YOUR HANDS, ALEJANDRO. THIS CAN'T POSSIBLY BE COMFORTABLE FOR YOU.

We finally get a Revenge of the Island challenge for a first (I'm a bit surprised they didn't mention a specific eating challenge, though).

"Nice one, Scott. And yes, I WAS BEING SARCASTIC."

Oh okay thought you wanted an alliance with him or something. No it's cool let's just freak the hell out at him for voicing his opinion.

"You're pretty when you're mad..." "BARF!"

I ship Scourtney so hard. And Heather's so jelly of Scott's pit smell. I guess Alejandro's questionable eating OCD has suddenly vanished away. Maybe like the common sense to just walk on his feet since Heather has clearly gotten over her sympathy. My grandmom's making me pancakes now because I saw them in this episode. We don't really get along, but we're settling our differences. Why did Duncan blow a kiss to Gwen? I always felt they were a couple that would be into the whole dominatrix phase with torture machines. Ew, Alejandro front view. And the fact that he swallowed his vomit. And the fact that he walks on his hands. Scott's having a serious case of constipation. I have irritable bowel syndrome, so I can relate. How I wake up with a smile each morning is beyond me.

"Stop whining and get to chowing, or whatever your people do!"

...

More of Cameron being a weakling despite the fact that he won this challenge for his team in Truth or Laser Shark. Wonder what Beverly is up to. I was thinking about pitching a show called "B in Space" as he travels the solar system in silence, meeting and greeting different alien folk. Also, Dakota rules a planet filled with mutants, and B has to travel there to rescue his friend Gliphob from the mutantnoids, but along the way, he may find...... HIMSELF?

"I'm stuffed like a Thanksgiving pigeon..."

Jesus, what else goes on in Scott's household? Did they save Scott's mom's placenta for Christmas dinner? I'm gross. If you look at the next scene, Gwen, Courtney, and Heather are in the same shot. AMAZON REUNION WOOT WOOT. Sierra's sanity is once again in question, but at least we don't have to look at Cody's head on Zoey's body. We hear more of Chris's that was already heard in a Youtube video, as we take a commercial break so I can cry to myself about how I'll never be a successful lover.

Why is Courtney so mean to Gwen? THE CHICK CRIED BECAUSE OF YOU. THIS IS ACTUAL BULLYING. No wonder the president of Cartoon Network came on before the episode to give his "Stop bullying, speak up" campaign. HE'S TALKING ABOUT COURTNEY. Heather's back to devious Heather. I find it odd, because Heather and Gwen had arguably the most heated conflict in the show in the first two seasons, but now it seems like they're on largely better terms than Heather is with Courtney. Don't know if this is discontinuity, or just how life works. Then again, Leshawna randomly nearly murdered Heather in Slap Slap Revolution for no reason, so I guess friendships and conflicts in Total Drama dissolve with the snap of a finger.

GAH, Duncan's lips are gonna haunt my nightmares. Justin's the only male contestant who can rock those lips. So Gwen's face turns green, maybe Ezekiel's her long lost cousin. Okay, last Ezekiel joke for the next few episodes. I'm as bad as the writers. People don't give Duncan enough credit. He has to put up with Gwen ignoring him, her whining, and the fact that she THREW UP on him, and he's still with her. Not to mention his has to put up with the Hamsters, and if I had to choose between being decapitated by a helicopter or being placed on the Hamsters, I'd choose the helicopter in a heartbeat. Man, Heather is so out of focus lately.

Is it just me or is Mike's voice slightly higher this season? I miss Vito. And Anne Maria. I miss Vanne Marito. Courtney gets covered in green jelly, and Cameron's confused as to why she's freaking out. Didn't Cameron watch the show? He specifically said last episode that he saw season three. Did he just watch season three? Did he ignore the fact that the show has had two other seasons? Maybe he was too busy being a "bubble boy" EVEN THOUGH HE WAS NEVER SEEN IN A BUBBLE. The Malevolent One ends up flipping the switch, ba dum tsh, sending Courtney into the final obstacle, as her blood is splattered throughout the island. Her blood is spread on Mike, as he transforms back into his regular self. Covered in the blood, Mike is in disgust and trauma that he would even do suc- Okay, that didn't happen.

Sam is so pointless. Mike breaking his game was so pointless. Sam could've easily been replaced with Owen and nothing would have made a difference.

"Something about your voice... it's... kinda familiar."

... HUH. Did Evil Mike and Duncan like, share discarded limbs in prison, or something? Hey Alejandro, maybe those fire ants wouldn't have climb up your sleeve if you WALKED ON YOUR FEET.

"Come on, Ale... whatever."

Just don't ask Duncan, because he'll pronounce it "ALL AY HAND ROE." Oh my God, why is Sam's butt not censored? They don't censor Owen's butt sometimes too. I guess none of the fat people get their behinds censored because it's easily mistaken for back rolls. So Sam ends up winning the challenge, while we get to see a bear and moose play chess. I was more intrigued by this than anything Sam has done this whole season.

And, for once, I really didn't know who was going home. That's a first in a long while. Sam ends up getting caught cheating, because he wanted to save pancakes for Boney Island. Why not just send Sierra there so she can fulfill her psychopathy with a group of animals. So, the Vultures win, and Heather cheers like she did in Hawaiian Punch. Scourtney. <3

While it was sort of obvious that Sam was gonna go, I was still a bit taken back by it. It would've been equally reasonable that Sierra would go home, since she pictured Zoey's boobs with Cody's face. Another Revenge of the Island contestant takes exile, and Sam gets flushed, but ends up getting stuck, because he's obese.

Let's praise Laurie Elliot for actually writing a good episode. I have to say, these episodes just keep getting better. While there were only a decent amount of jokes, none of them really failed, and there's still plenty to be intrigued about. Loads of surprises and a fun and fast challenge, this episode definitely ends up on top. I do miss Jo's sweat pants, though.

FINAL RATING: 8.7/10

+ Great challenge

+ NO ZOEY WOOT WOOT

+ Great plot twists

+ Sam's elimination

- Lack of Jo's sweat pants

- Not a great amount of humor

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